i know i haven't been around here in a while. been dealing with personal issues for a bit ... and now comes the toughest one of all ... the divorce. can't say that i am ready for it. but at the same time i am looking forward to it.

we have been together for 10 years, but for the past 7 it has pretty much been dead.

she married me because she liked how i treated her, and apparently she thought she could change me into someone that she likes (that does the things she wants to do, mostly redneck, country stuff) i am not a person who changes easily, and i will be the first to say that. but i am a city person, computer geek. a completly different lifestyle ...

the past 4 months has been the worse, till finally last night she finally agreed that since i don't change who i am so she will like me .. that we should go our own ways ...

the toughest part of all of this will be finding a new place to stay within a month hopefully ...

i don't know why i am posting this, other then for the fact that since we have been together ... about the only friends i have left are ones that i know online ... have lost contact with all my other friends because she didn't like them. etc etc etc ...

Damn, Devil. That really sucks. :(

yeah, its life i guess tho.

she married me because she liked how i treated her, and apparently she thought she could change me into someone that she likes (that does the things she wants to do, mostly redneck, country stuff) i am not a person who changes easily, and i will be the first to say that. but i am a city person, computer geek. a completly different lifestyle ...

the past 4 months has been the worse, till finally last night she finally agreed that since i don't change who i am so she will like me .. that we should go our own ways ...


People should accept you for who you are -if they want you to change to suit their needs -well - you don't need that in your life.

Be true to yourself and don't change for someone else - change because you want to for you...

much luck finding a new place...

i'm sorry that her true colors came out after you got married..

i had tried changing at first but hated how i felt so i went back to just being who i am ... that was around 7 years ago ...

but the low self esteem BS that i have issues with kept me from just packing up my stuff then and leaving .. even now it is hard to think about but i know it is for the best ...

yeah, i should have opened my eyes more before we got married ... but i was just suprized that someone wanted to spend time with me ...

not saying those things to be down on myself ... its just how i felt.

Sorry to hear about the divorce.

Mal is right though, people should accept you for who you are, not try to change....and somewhere out there is somebody who'll do just that, and who won't expect you to change. One of these days you'll find her...:)

And yeah, fingers crossed you'll find a new place soon. Best of luck!

i had tried changing at first but hated how i felt so i went back to just being who i am ... that was around 7 years ago ...

but the low self esteem BS that i have issues with kept me from just packing up my stuff then and leaving .. even now it is hard to think about but i know it is for the best ...

yeah, i should have opened my eyes more before we got married ... but i was just suprized that someone wanted to spend time with me ...

not saying those things to be down on myself ... its just how i felt.


I have been there done that and bought the t-shirt.

My second marriage however is bliss. So my advice is this.

I hated and I mean I hated my ex-wife and all she did, I was hard on myself and all relationships.

I was going to put off anything relationship-wise until I finished college (I started college really late).

DO not do that. Hindsight is always better of course. Looking back I will say that what you should do is get your shit together (place to live, job, get settled). Then get right the fuck back out there. Online dating, Bar dating, Church Dating, I mean whatever is your thing. There are too many women out there looking for a good computer geeks (like you and I) to you know, plug their ports, sniff their IP's and use the backdoor of their frontend.

Honestly, my divorce was the hardest thing I went through emotionally... was so hard to end something that was so long...

So if you want to talk, rant, or crack her myspace.... I am there for you man!

You can PM, or whatever.

my myspace is myspace.com/presidentofhotwivesclub also if you want to talk or something.

Good luck to you.:waving:

Yup...divorced too. If it weren't for my friends from work, I wouldn't have any at all either. My ex wouldn't participate in friendships outside of his own poker pals. Divorce sucks though. I wish you much happiness in your future. You deserve it!!

I have been there done that and bought the t-shirt.

My second marriage however is bliss. So my advice is this.

I hated and I mean I hated my ex-wife and all she did, I was hard on myself and all relationships.

I was going to put off anything relationship-wise until I finished college (I started college really late).

DO not do that. Hindsight is always better of course. Looking back I will say that what you should do is get your shit together (place to live, job, get settled). Then get right the fuck back out there. Online dating, Bar dating, Church Dating, I mean whatever is your thing. There are too many women out there looking for a good computer geeks (like you and I) to you know, plug their ports, sniff their IP's and use the backdoor of their frontend.

Honestly, my divorce was the hardest thing I went through emotionally... was so hard to end something that was so long...

So if you want to talk, rant, or crack her myspace.... I am there for you man!

You can PM, or whatever.

my myspace is myspace.com/presidentofhotwivesclub also if you want to talk or something.

Good luck to you.:waving:

will send you a myspace invite ...

once i am settled in a place i don't plan on becoming a recluse (my co-worker and her husband won't let me haha) ... so i will be 'on the scene' so to speak .. going to the places that I enjoy .. doing the things that I want to do .. if someone says hi so be it .. if not, no loss for me ...

Yup...divorced too. If it weren't for my friends from work, I wouldn't have any at all either. My ex wouldn't participate in friendships outside of his own poker pals. Divorce sucks though. I wish you much happiness in your future. You deserve it!!

so far today i have found out who my friends are ... a lot of people online .. and about 7 people in town .. coworkers, some people that have known me since i was a kid .. and even one person who was 'her friend' i thought ... told her to 'get over it' that he was not going to stop being friends with me just because she was being an ass ... :)

so far today i have cried, laughed, gotten pissed off ... almost threw up a few times ... took my wedding ring off ... cried some more ... talked on the phone to my mother ... to some friends ... and now just sitting around figuring out what i should do next...

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I'm sure you'll find someone whose going to like everything about you, exactly for what it is. Computer geek and all! *Hugs*

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I'm sure you'll find someone whose going to like everything about you, exactly for what it is. Computer geek and all! *Hugs*

you mean there are people out there that actually like computer geeks / sci fi nuts (no i don't dress up in costumes tho) and not just think of us as someone to keep their computer up and going? ????

:)

you mean there are people out there that actually like computer geeks / sci fi nuts (no i don't dress up in costumes tho) and not just think of us as someone to keep their computer up and going? ????

:)

Of course! It's the best kind of people. A person who can keep a computer up and running is nice, but someone who goes above and beyond is always ten times better. I can assure you sci fi nuts get in well with others :) Bummer on the no dressing up tho. :P

haha ... about the closest thing i have done to 'dressing up' was in SCA a while back ...

haha ... about the closest thing i have done to 'dressing up' was in SCA a while back ...

lol, awesome. Dressin' up isn't that bad, specially when everyone else is dressed up around you, then you don't feel so dorky :sifone:

hah! yeah that makes a difference thats for sure!

i think the worse thing i can be doing right now, i am doing .. and that is just sitting here .. doing nothing at all ...

i don't get paid till tuesday ... so got a little bit before i can think about money and such ...

not sure if i want to go do anything .. but at the same time i know i want to get my mind off of it right now ...

debating on going to the gym ... but wouldn't want to break down while i am there ... (meh i hate being sensitive at times)

I signed my divorce papers last tuesday!!!! I know what you are going/have been through. Our stories sound quite similar with regards to "them" loking how we treated them, made them feel special, supported them through everything, then were shocked when they didn't want to return the favor! I have three absolutely wonderful kids that I have to share with this woman who is selfish self centered, doesn't want to be tied down...you know the type. Thank God I have them 95% of the time. My advise... Find what makes you happy. Fix the things you feel self conscious about. If you want to lose weight, get in great shape, DO IT!!! If you want to play sports, start a band...WTF ever...DO IT. Make you happy, make you love who you are. I was so lost in my relationship, that I lost me! I'm finding him again and lovin' it!! Take it all a day at a time, but find what you don't like about yourself and change it. It's NEVER to late. When you do finally have your shit in one sock so to speak, you'll see the "possabilities" are endless!! Take care, PM me anytime!!

I signed my divorce papers last tuesday!!!! I know what you are going/have been through. Our stories sound quite similar with regards to "them" loking how we treated them, made them feel special, supported them through everything, then were shocked when they didn't want to return the favor! I have three absolutely wonderful kids that I have to share with this woman who is selfish self centered, doesn't want to be tied down...you know the type. Thank God I have them 95% of the time. My advise... Find what makes you happy. Fix the things you feel self conscious about. If you want to lose weight, get in great shape, DO IT!!! If you want to play sports, start a band...WTF ever...DO IT. Make you happy, make you love who you are. I was so lost in my relationship, that I lost me! I'm finding him again and lovin' it!! Take it all a day at a time, but find what you don't like about yourself and change it. It's NEVER to late. When you do finally have your shit in one sock so to speak, you'll see the "possabilities" are endless!! Take care, PM me anytime!!

that does sound very familiar to what i am dealing with (or was, its over ... working on the moving out / moving on right now) ...

yeah my main goal once i am out, is to find me ... and fix what i don't like about myself .. which one of them is going to be weight ... already got a good start on it ... down from 281 to 230 .. and holding it steady the past several months while dealing with this BS ... so once i am out again .. i should be able to get it kicked in gear and get down to below 200 finally.

My goal is 185ish... depends on how cut I get. I was 185 before, and pretty cut, just want to get back to the appearance I was proud of. Good luck with the movin out/in thing, again, day by day is the way to proceed. Also, if your mind starts to drift onto subjects that make you feel down, take control, and change what's going on in your mind. Making your mind your bitch... is a powerful thing!

My goal is 185ish... depends on how cut I get. I was 185 before, and pretty cut, just want to get back to the appearance I was proud of. Good luck with the movin out/in thing, again, day by day is the way to proceed. Also, if your mind starts to drift onto subjects that make you feel down, take control, and change what's going on in your mind. Making your mind your bitch... is a powerful thing!

i was 185 in jr high ... have never been 'cut' so to speak .. always the chunky fat kid off on the side with a bottle of coke and a bag of popcorn ... but i want to be fit one day ... i am not far from it ... now have a 'somewhat' flat stomach if i hold it in with little effort at all ... a little bit hanging off on the side .. and a set of moobs (that are about 2/3" of fat then solid below them) ...

the mind part, that is tough ... is what i have been doing all day ... trying to keep it focused and just not sit there and let it wander ... tomorrow / tuesday i am going to go ahead and start packing up stuff i don't need and getting it out of the way ... that will keep my mind off of things as well ...

you mean there are people out there that actually like computer geeks / sci fi nuts (no i don't dress up in costumes tho) and not just think of us as someone to keep their computer up and going? ????

:)

Try being a female computer geek sometime...if you think it's hard for YOU to find dates! Sheesh! :willy_nilly:

Try being a female computer geek sometime...if you think it's hard for YOU to find dates! Sheesh! :willy_nilly:

:drool5::drool5::drool5:

a female??? ... a/s/l? ... haha sorry had to ... =)

yeah i can imagine ... i have known like 4 female computer geeks in my time ... 3 of them had girlfriends already .. and one was to hot for me to ever even think about asking out (course this was like back in 94/95 when i first started dealing with them on a pro level and such)

:drool5::drool5::drool5:

a female??? ... a/s/l? ... haha sorry had to ... =)

yeah i can imagine ... i have known like 4 female computer geeks in my time ... 3 of them had girlfriends already .. and one was to hot for me to ever even think about asking out (course this was like back in 94/95 when i first started dealing with them on a pro level and such)

A/S/L, LOL! Haven't seen THAT in a while! Then again I don't go on IRC anymore.

:rotflmao:

Since you asked, 33/F/Dallas.

haha ... geeze IRC .. that brings back memories .. carrying around a floppy disc with the client on it .. so i could access while on the campus network (also had wolfenstein on a floppy and such to /snicker) ...

dallas .. nice =) well big city at least ... i am stuck over in monroe / west monroe in north LA

haha ... geeze IRC .. that brings back memories .. carrying around a floppy disc with the client on it .. so i could access while on the campus network (also had wolfenstein on a floppy and such to /snicker) ...

dallas .. nice =) well big city at least ... i am stuck over in monroe / west monroe in north LA


I used irc II on a Unix shell. :leaving:

My first modem was 9200 kbps. And it was as big as a shoebox.

We have lots of people from Louisiana living here. I see Louisiana plates every damn day. :smash:

haha ... i have never 'officially' used Unix .. always linux .. or FreeBSD ... but the same thing (from what i understand) for the most part ...

yeah my first modem was huge as well ... never even used it for anything meh ... first one i actually used was a 14.4k ... 3 weeks later i had 4 of them, with 4 phonelines all dialing up to the same ISP (before tehy started monitering the hours online each account had) had some nice speeds back then doing that ... but my neighbors phones were always messed up for some reason /halo

haha ... i have never 'officially' used Unix .. always linux .. or FreeBSD ... but the same thing (from what i understand) for the most part ...

yeah my first modem was huge as well ... never even used it for anything meh ... first one i actually used was a 14.4k ... 3 weeks later i had 4 of them, with 4 phonelines all dialing up to the same ISP (before tehy started monitering the hours online each account had) had some nice speeds back then doing that ... but my neighbors phones were always messed up for some reason /halo

Hahahahaha!

Yeah, I had some of that too. :Angel_anim:

Hahahahaha!

Yeah, I had some of that too. :Angel_anim:

:)

thanks again for the laughs

:)

thanks again for the laughs

NP; if you need more, I have some tech support stories. :hurray:

no its not easy ... and i know the hard part hasn't started yet ...

she only just realized what is wrong in the relationship ... and i have been trying to say it for the past 7 years ... the part about that which hurts though ... is when i reminded her that i have been saying that for those years ... she says 'but it just started happening' ...

in all honesty, i think there is a little bit more to this ... her grandmother just passed away, and at the same time she was fighting with her mom and we were planning on moving away to our own place, on our own land (we live on her familys land now) ... but after the funeral. suddenly her family, which had been treating her like crap ever since i met her ... suddenly are being nice to her, and pointing at me ... saying that i am the reason she acts the way she does ... (she is the black sheep of the family, always has been .. hasn't changed any since i met her) but now they have someone to blame it on ...

all she knows now is they are talking to her, and saying i am the reason .. and she is beleiving them ... so out i go ...

it may just be in my head .. but it is looking to be true to me ... most of the words she is saying right now, sound like other stuff that people have said and she is just repeating.

we got it worked out to where the kid (who wants to move with me) will be staying with me on the weekends .. so we can still go bike riding. and he can still go stay with my mom during winter break and in the summer some ...

she also said some words that i am not sure if i want to deal with ... the 'i may change my mind in a few months' ... once i am out ... unless i am feeling even worse then i do when we are / were together .. i do not think i want to go back ... unless some major rules are laid down and followed ... i do NOT want to deal with something like this again ... not sure if i can.

she also said some words that i am not sure if i want to deal with ... the 'i may change my mind in a few months' ... once i am out ... unless i am feeling even worse then i do when we are / were together .. i do not think i want to go back ... unless some major rules are laid down and followed ... i do NOT want to deal with something like this again ... not sure if i can.

Let me just say first... EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERANT.
That being said, from my personal experience, the "I don't know if I'll feel this way for ____ (insert amount of time)" talk is BS! It's either a way she thinks it hurts you less, or her way of not dealing with the issue... maybe not feeling guilty or what ever. I know that "mine" kept saying, and continues to say it, but I am focusing on my KIDS, and then myself!! She chose to end things, so she can live with it. I know "Mine" runs from all of the feelings, so she is trying to not deal with her feelings of remorse or guilt or what ever. In the end, she, like yours, will have to deal with THEIR decisions. Don't stand paralized waitng and hopeing, focus on you, and what you want to do for yourself! I'm not saying to let go of hope... just don't focus on it. Hope today goes well for you, followed by tomorrow, then the next day... see where I'm going here... ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Let me just say first... EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERANT.
That being said, from my personal experience, the "I don't know if I'll feel this way for ____ (insert amount of time)" talk is BS! It's either a way she thinks it hurts you less, or her way of not dealing with the issue... maybe not feeling guilty or what ever. I know that "mine" kept saying, and continues to say it, but I am focusing on my KIDS, and then myself!! She chose to end things, so she can live with it. I know "Mine" runs from all of the feelings, so she is trying to not deal with her feelings of remorse or guilt or what ever. In the end, she, like yours, will have to deal with THEIR decisions. Don't stand paralized waitng and hopeing, focus on you, and what you want to do for yourself! I'm not saying to let go of hope... just don't focus on it. Hope today goes well for you, followed by tomorrow, then the next day... see where I'm going here... ONE DAY AT A TIME.


that sounds about like mine and the reason i think she is doing it as well ... i am going to focus on me ... and it will be a lot easier to once i am in my own place and away from seeing her every day still ..

right now at work, i am pretty much useless .. but at least they talked me into coming in still...

I don't know man. I think it sounds like she wants a "Back-up" plan. You being the back up incase this going out on her own thing fails. IMO - and let me be blunt - Fuck that.


You need to just move on. Do the hurting. Then move on.



Get distracted man, do whatever you like, video games, strippers, bars, coding (try to learn Python its open source and intuitive).


BTW meant to ask what kind of video games you like? or currently play?


- I am a huge geek - I have a hot wife who is also a complete geek (more hardcore than she likes to admit), who also loves me for me. So I am sure there is someone out there looking for an open-source fan (assuming you are) just like you.


Check out Escape Pod - podcast if you haven't yet. (for the sci-fi in you)

I don't know man. I think it sounds like she wants a "Back-up" plan. You being the back up incase this going out on her own thing fails. IMO - and let me be blunt - Fuck that.


You need to just move on. Do the hurting. Then move on.



Get distracted man, do whatever you like, video games, strippers, bars, coding (try to learn Python its open source and intuitive).


BTW meant to ask what kind of video games you like? or currently play?


- I am a huge geek - I have a hot wife who is also a complete geek (more hardcore than she likes to admit), who also loves me for me. So I am sure there is someone out there looking for an open-source fan (assuming you are) just like you.


Check out Escape Pod - podcast if you haven't yet. (for the sci-fi in you)


i don't want to be a backup plan .. i have always been an after thought, or a last choice and i am tired of that.

right now, video games, movies, bike riding is about it ... i do enjoy working on cars and i have a vw bug that needs to be restored. so may scratch up the money to do that as well...

as for what games i play right now... hmmm Spore .. some (already beat it) ... MMO games .. warhammer online (though i haven't logged in since getting hit with this news) ... and then race car games mostly ...

yeah i love open source ... and now would be as good of a time as any to brush up on my neglected skills with php / java / css and all that other stuff...

I don't know man. I think it sounds like she wants a "Back-up" plan. You being the back up incase this going out on her own thing fails. IMO - and let me be blunt - Fuck that.


:iagree: most definately!


... i am going to focus on me ...

Amen brother! Seriously, My time is devoted to my three kids, but once they are in bed (usually around 830pm), or before they get up (usually about 645), my time is devoted to me. I had a very hard time with that for a while since I lived to make her happy, which by the way, it was up to her to be happy, not for me to do it for her...but after doing it for about a month...it feels real good! Keeping self promises to improve yourself(physically, mentally, or just "vegging") really hits the "my heart is missing" spot!

just talked with my boss .. he is going to help with deposits and such ... and will let me use one of the offices to start moving stuff into for now till i can find a place ...

now to just find a place

just talked with my boss .. he is going to help with deposits and such ... and will let me use one of the offices to start moving stuff into for now till i can find a place ...

now to just find a place

Your boss rocks!


I just got done with spore, I took over each planet with force and then started blowing them up with that big boom bomb. hehe.


I was going to get war hammer online but talked myself out of it.

Pick up an XboX 360 and get a xboxlive account. then buy COD4 (call of duty)

I know it sounds like an investment, but even my wife says it kicks ass.

My next game is fallout 3, I have the collectors edition on reserve hehe. I loved fallout.

my boss doesn't want to loose me, which i guess is a good thing esp in these times ...

i end up trying every mmo when they come out .. stil hoping to find 'the one' that replaces what i enjoyed from swg and eq ..

hmm an xbox 360 .. may have to do that .. got a ps3 ... but i prob could use a 'present' to myself once i am moved into my own place.

If you are into video games and looking to lose weight, why not get a WII Fit? I don't have one, but I've heard good things about it.

my boss doesn't want to loose me, which i guess is a good thing esp in these times ...

i end up trying every mmo when they come out .. stil hoping to find 'the one' that replaces what i enjoyed from swg and eq ..

hmm an xbox 360 .. may have to do that .. got a ps3 ... but i prob could use a 'present' to myself once i am moved into my own place.


Hers my console story.

My wife bought me both systems xbox360 and ps3.

I gave up consoles to play WoW and sold my xbox360 (my wife warned me not too), but kept my ps3 for blu rays.

I then gave up WoW (to much commitment) and wanted to play my ps3 (I need video games in my life). I found that there are almost no good games for the ps3 and hardly any that play in 1080p (I have a huge LCD tv).

So I traded in my ps3 for another xbox, and rebought (for the third time mind you) COD4 (yes it is that good). I only play cod4 online though, I have not even attempted the one player story.

Now with the xbox netflix is intergrating today (I believe) so you can stream and share movies from netflix straight for your xbox. I tend to pirate everything anyway (go linux!) but I wouldnt mind the netflix intergration.

Plus xbox has some amazing game features, always new demos coming out, their arcade rocks, my second favorite game "Castle Crashers" is an xbox live arcade exclusive.


I have hated microsoft since my first bsod on 98, but they definately have the right thing with xbox 360 and xbox live. If you do buy one, let me know and Ill give you my gamer tag.

i had thought about the Wii before i got the ps3 ... and still may get one mostly for more interaction in the games ...

yeah the xbox does have some pluses for it ... the ps3 just won over at the time because of the blu-ray player.

just got off the phone with the house place ... they can do a home loan in just my name .. so will know for sure about it within the next week or two ... so may have a place located ... a place that is mine ... not something i am just renting ...

dont want to get my hopes up to much ... but its a step at least.

once i am out, i am going to do what i want to .... and try to fill my life with people that i enjoy having around and that enjoy me being around as well ....

right now the main thing that is hitting me, is that i know why this is happening, but i know that she won't even think about it till i am out ... and loosing something i have had around for 10 years fucking sucks ...

seeing how the kid is doing tho, and how he is handling it .. and hearing what he has to say and wants to do .. hurts .. but helps me at the same time .. lets me know i did at least influence him and his future ... so something good is going to come out of it ...

work today sucked ... i did laugh ... my coworker and her husband made sure of that ... but i still cried .. a lot ... i tried to stay busy and stay on the phone or whatever but it did not help ...

Doesnt sound like you are a match to me. That doesnt mean there is anything wrong with either of you. The hardest part IMO is the breaking of the habit. The constant having osmeone there, someoene to talk to and share anything with. However, you've been unhappy for 7 years! Everyone deserves to be happy and live the life they want.

This will turn into the best change of your life Im sure of it! Dont even worry about dating or anything. Get situated, make a plan, and be merry.

i likely made a dumb move last night but ...

last night i started yelling back and telling her what i thought was wrong and what she did that i hated .. and what i was tired of not doing just to try to make her happier and that kind of stuff ...

i also told her she was a stupid little selfish child for the reasons she tried to give on wanting to break up, and that she needed to actually think for herself instead of letting her coworkers and family members tell her how she should be thinking and what she should be doing ...

she complained about me never helping someone in her family when they needed help ... i told her that if they wanted my help they just had to let me know they wanted it .. not just keep working by themselves and getting mad because i was doing other stuff instead ... i don't help unless asked .. that is me and i will not change it ...

i also told her i could care less about her family, but i was interested in the kid .. and us as a couple ... and i would do whatever it took to make sure he still had a stable future and life when he needs it most ... (he piped in, at the wrong time and said that he knew he would never have that with just her, and she was dumb to try and get rid of me knowing that she couldnt find anyone else like me) ... doh .. but i have never told him to hide what you want to say ... (maybe i should listen to my own advice) ...

as of right now ... she knows i still plan on moving out ... but it isn't right away ... it is when he is done with school ... and the only way i will change that is if things between us get better ...

the last thing she added was that she didn't want me complaining if she wanted to go out somewhere with her friends ... i have never complained about that and i told her .. i said the only thing i complained about ... was that the friends did not have a DD and everyone was drunk, and i was worried about ya'lls safety ... nothing else ... i did also let her know that i was going to stop listening to her complain when i say i want to go do something .. i am just going to go do it ...

so i honestly haven't a clue where the situation stands ... but when she left the house this morning i did notice she had put her wedding ring and engagement ring back on her finger ...

probably all was a dumb move ... but i was tired of seeing the kid cry and try to understand what was happening.

Is the child your biological child, or are you raising him?

It's not healthy for children to be in an environment where mommy and daddy feel the need to call each other names... Children should see parents disagree on a civil level... and resolve problems without resorting to naming calling... and intentionally hurting one another...

When is the child done with school? is that a matter of days/weeks/months/longer? His best interest and yours might want to have you reevaluate t hat.

Is the child your biological child, or are you raising him?

It's not healthy for children to be in an environment where mommy and daddy feel the need to call each other names... Children should see parents disagree on a civil level... and resolve problems without resorting to naming calling... and intentionally hurting one another...

When is the child done with school? is that a matter of days/weeks/months/longer? His best interest and yours might want to have you reevaluate t hat.


i know this is a long delay in a response ... but figured since i was updating everything else i would update this as well ...

first on your questions ...

1. Raising him, not actually mine ...

2. name calling was always kept behind doors... but for a bit the yelling he did of course hear.

3. he is in the 9th grade so has about 4 more years of school ...

i am still with her ... i can't say anything has worked out ... 'she is happier' ... that is mostly because now she does not work at all ... she stays at home all the time .. and does very little when it comes to 'house chores' ... and if anyone asks her .. she thinks we are doing great ...

i can not honestly say that though ... i do say that we are good in front of her ... but inside ... i still haven't recovered from her telling me she wanted me to leave ... and i honestly do not think that i ever will ...

i am trying, but the willpower just is not there anymore ...

i have gone back to my old plan .. of paying everything off that i can .. and then when the kid is done with school ... rethinking the situation ...

after going through all of this, i can honestly say ... that even though the thought of it hurts .. i do feel that i would be happier on my own ....

You know, it is honorable of you to feel obligated towards the kid even if he isn't biologically yours... but if you and I were sitting at a bar and you were telling me about all this... I'd have but one thing to say.

Get out... now!

Seriously... you are miserable if what I just read through is any gauge. Your very last sentence gives weight to this.

You're sticking around out of an 'obligation' to a did, while she sits on her ass and does... what? Probably thinking up ways of using you even further until you are a dried out husk of a man? C'mon dude... be true to yourself!

Its women like the way you describe the woman you are married to that make me ashamed of my own gender.

Best of luck, no matter what you do.