Hi,

Well, I'm on my second day of Cohen and its really going well. I thought I might create a diary for myself on the forum, just to help me reflect on my day and my progress over the next few months. I took a personal day today and it was heavenly. I work as a technical writer in the IT industry and I absolutely adore my work, but sometimes staying in bed on a rainy day is exactly what the doctor ordered. My WF (wonderful fiance) also decided to stay in bed today, so we spent most of today watching 'Extreme engineering' and other manly shows. :)

I am really excited about this diet. I've spent some months reading and applying the 4-day win by Martha Beck, just getting my sub conscious in line with what my 'nazi' want to do. My 'wild child' and 'nazi' had a nice agreement that the Cohen diet would be fine. So for the first time I'm not constantly feeling deprived or sad. I'm an extremely emotional eater, so its a nice first.

In South Africa we're currently experiencing 'Load shedding'. Sounds fun but it actually means we're sitting without power for 4 hours a day. That includes, hospitals, offices, roads etc. Most companies are forced to install generators just to keep working during the day. I think SA is an amazing country and I love most of it. But WF runs his own business and the effect it has had on his company is shocking. So during our personal day we discussed immigrating. It's a horrible word and it means leaving behind our families, my niece, my sister, childhood memories etc. It makes me extremely sad. But for once the uncertainty of my future is not going to make me binge.

So I'm on my way to make some fillet with tomato, mushrooms and onion and finish my second day on Dr Cohen. No matter in which country I'm going to be raising my future children, I'll look good doing it :)

Esthee, well done, so how are you feeling? are you hungry at all?

Sounds like you had a lovely day. I don't get a chance to just lay in bed with a 2.5 year old running around, I'm very jealous, I remember those days very relaxing.

So what countries would you consider to migrate to?

I get my program tomorrow, very excited!!

I look forward to chatting with you and following your progress along with mine. We are going to be so gorgeous by November

:seeya:

Hi Esthee

Welcome to Cohens and this forum. I am glad you made piece with you inner demons....they are the ones that challenge us the most in life.

It sounds like you have a few pressing issues on your plate......SA is a country that has so much natural resoursces and such a vast cultural background....but unfortuntely politcially it still has a long way to go. I hope you find the answers, leaving family and loved ones is not an easy decision......and moving to a foreign country which may have more wealth and opprtunites doesn't neccessarily bring happiness. So once again goodluck.

On a brighter note it sounds like day 2 has gone down successfully. How long are you on the program for?

ATB

Sam:)

Hey esthee,

Its great to hear someone on a positive note.... Keep up the attitude and the rest will be easy I am sure!

:)

Hi all!

First off, I would just like to ask you all to excuse me :) I've never been on a forum before so I posted too many threads :) (Sorry Sam!) I've deleted my first one so for future reference I'll just repeat what I said there.

I'm 28 years old, turning 29 in Feb. I'm 1.61m tall and weigh a nice 114.6kg. My goal weight is 60kg and I hope to be there in November for my wedding. My WF and I have been together now for 13 years.

I have 6 animal children, 2 cats and 4 dogs. I work as a technical writer in Johannesburg, South Africa and hope to finish my Masters degree in engineering this year as well.

Well that's me in a nutshell, that and my library filled with 600+ books and with library I mean every nook and cranny in my house :)

Today has been a strange day. I'm actually feeling hungry today and a mild headache has formed through the course of today. But I'm so excited! I'm a serial weigher, and that has been the death of me in the past, so I told myself that I would only weigh myself every 4 weeks. But this morning the scale was just too tempting. :) I got on and I've actually lost 2kg already! But I'm not gonna do that again for the next few weeks. It was just soooooo much fun updating my little ticker!

My little sister in law (almost) is turning 16 today and we're having a birthday dinner at a very nice restaurant tonight as a family. I'm gonna have my dinner before we leave and just drink coffee. I've been on so many crazy diets before I just know that they are all going to say 'oh ANOTHER diet....' when they notice me not eating. In a month or 2 they will start cheering, but they've been cheering for me for the past 5 years and every time I stop and gain 10kg. So I think their scepticism is well founded.

That's me for today.

Hi,

I'm extremely busy with work, so I'm just writing a quick note to say hi and let you all know that I'm doing well. Yesterday was a b**** of a day. I was warned that day 4 will have me hormonal and emotional, but I was ready to fight the world the one moment and weep the next. I was all over the place. Even the WF was laughing at me while I was growling at him from the corner :)

Starting to feel hungry. But I think its because I'm so busy with work I don't get time to eat my snacks in between meals.

Sal I haven't lied about posting my measurements, will add them in the near future. :) Be warned its SCARY :eek:

See ya and enjoy your weekend. Asemrowende naweek vir julle almal!

Hi Esthee

I am also feeling it today - day 2, woke with a headache this morning and I was so hungry and got right up to make breakfast. I started on the housework but just felt so drained I decided to go lay down and watch some tv. I am so looking forward to this great feeling everyone keeps talking about to kick in. Still a few days to go.

I hope you are feeling a better today, you should be getting close to that good feeling soon.

It was scary listing my measurements :willy_nilly:, but it will feel soooooo good when I can post and see them coming down. I reakon that it will help keep me motivated and I will look forward to the weekly measuring.

Anyway keep up the good work, you are doing so well

Talk to you soon.

Ever since I was a little girl I've been getting horrible horrible nightmares. It's vivid and real and the feeling of dread and fear stays with me the whole day afterwards. Sometimes it stays with me for weeks on end. I've also been diagnosed with major depression a decade or so ago and I'm suppose to take antidepressants for the rest of my life. But for the past 2 months it has really been very much better. I haven't used my pills for the past 7 months and even the WF was commenting on how amazing I was doing.

But last night I had one of my nightmares again. And I'm feeling sad and depressed and just icky today. Yesterday was a hectic day and I didn't drink enough water (only 1.5l of my 2l) and I didn't have my apple. I think that was what probably triggered the nightmare. Whenever I diet I am extremely hard on myself and even a little deviation makes me feel like a complete failure. Which makes the nightmares come. What normally happens is I feel horrible and depressed like today and I comfort eat. That is normally how all my previous efforts have ended. It starts a terrible cycle where I comfort eat because I'm disappointed in myself and then I'm disappointed in myself etc.

I'm really scared that my depression will be back in full force. I know its something that will always be with me (its genetic and not just emotional) but I've really been doing so well lately.

mmmmm writing this, I see what I can do. I'm not going to be ruled by my emotions today, even though the idea of drinking water and eating healthily is the last thing I want to do today, I'm just gonna do it anyway. I'm going to try with everything in me to conquer this day. :boxing:

Sorry for this 'dark' posting but I'm keeping my diary and I think today needs to be documented for future use :)

Hi Estee

Don't ever feel sorry for how you feel, think or behave....this forum is a wonderful sounding board for venting our emotions. So please do not apologise.
Maybe your dreams are [subconsciously] trying to set you up for failure....you can change this but do so in little steps. If you read this forum or hang around here post refeed you will see we all have demons to wrestle in life, and we aknowledge that with each other and give advice or just listen and again (acknowledge) that we are here just to support and encourage the best we can. (I also understand your dreams may be related to something entirely different) but I thought I would direct this towards the weightloss issue which is why we are all here.
I think in this forum the majority if not all of us here use food as a weapon of comfort...we are emotional eaters.
I myself (acknowledged) once I had joined this forum that I am a very controlling person and my one area of weakness is food.....why food? we are still answering this.
I have to manage it for the rest of my life which is what I have discovered...the thing is with me and probably alot of people is we can lose the weight but when it comes to maintaining it well that is another story. .
I need to find the balance with food and exercise, which since joining this form I now realise.
I have realised that "yes" I am always going to struggle with my weight and "yes" I am always going to watch my weight and "yes" there will be times (like now) were I will regain a few kilos and I need get them off. This will be story of my life and so many others. I also want to be healthy for my kids and grandkids....i want to be a good role model to them and myself and I want to be their for them.
Maybe you need to challenge these dreams of yours and don't let them get the better of you. I have nursed a very close family member through major anxiety and depression and they are still on their medications and have been for the last 6 years....it is also in my family from my mothers side......so I do know where you are coming from.

Take care Estee and I hope I helped a little.

Sam:)

Hi Esthee,

I did welcome you one of the other threads but I will do again in here.
Welcome and congrats on joining the best program ever.
week 1 and 2 kg's down?, wow that is great!

Gets easier and easier as the weeks go by.

I will look forward to following your progress.

Annie Lusion

Hi Esthee

Welcome!! Its so good to see new members on this board! Congratulations on starting Cohens! It will truly change your life! It has certainly changed mine! I have lost over 41kgs in nearly 9months and I am considered one of the slower losers… but I could never have lost this much weight on any other program… let alone as quickly as I have.

I really hope you wont mind but I wanted to make a comment on your last post. You said “mmmmm writing this, I see what I can do. I'm not going to be ruled by my emotions today, even though the idea of drinking water and eating healthily is the last thing I want to do today, I'm just gonna do it anyway. I'm going to try with everything in me to conquer this day”

This is THE KEY… to dealing with your depression really… it is your thinking. Taking control of your automatic thoughts and challenging them and looking for evidence is a really important part of getting on top of these feelings. Medication is never ever supposed to be a lifelong thing… it is so useful for getting us back to a place where we can work on our thoughts and feelings.

I think the other thing you may have noticed was that the sense of writing out your thoughts and feelings and how useful it may have been? It showed you what you were thinking and where you could change, challenge or control them. You said whenever you diet you become extremely hard on yourself etc… I would wager that this is perhaps about what you are saying to yourself about why you are dieting or what you say about yourself when you deviate… You might say bad things to yourself when/if you stuff up and then you become even more distressed because of the bad thoughts that you are having. Then you eat again to cover up the bad thoughts… this journey is 90% mental and really is 10% about food.

You can do this! I know it can be hard and long and painful… but it can also be rewarding, exciting, revealing and eye-opening etc…. Welcome to the Journey. I do hope that nothing I have said has offended you… please take it in the spirit of wanting to share with and care for you… it can be so hard to do in a written or online format.

Blessya
Kannadew

Hi Esthee

I just want you to know that I will be here for you when ever you want to have a vent or get something off your chest.

I have been through depression due to a few things that I have been through in my life, during my younger years and come out on the other side a much wiser and stronger person. At the time it was a struggle, but I found witting things down when I was feeling very messed up really helped to get my thoughts in order and in more control of my emotions. I now control my emotions and they do not control me. At times I find myself drift back, but I start writing again, about the things that are upsetting me, why they upset me, and what I can do to change this and I choose how I want to react. I also try to take a step back and I like to sit in my space and say to myself, is the reaction (my emotions) really justified for what is going on around me and put it on a scale from worst eg. someone close dying ... to least eg, braking a nail. I choose how I and going to react to different situations, I can either choose to let it get to me or I can choose to not let it, the choice is mine. It took me a long time to get through this and to start thinking this way but it sure has made me feel happier and I prefer the happy feeling way more than the depressed one.

2 saying I always use "Nothing very very bad, ever last very very long in the grand scheme of life even though at the time you may think so." & "I choose my own emotions."

Anyway I am sorry if I am boring you with my babbling or you feel like I am preaching, I just really wanted you to know that I have been there and understand where you are coming from and please if you even need a vent this is a great place to write you thoughts down to get them in order.

Will be back to see how you are going. I have to say though 2 kg in your first week is fantastic, you go girl :hurray: I can't wait to weigh myself at the end of this week, I am so curious. :waving:

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the encouraging messages, :iagree: with all of them. :) Its amazing how on this new Cohen journey I really am not alone. My WF is just smiling at me because he's been noticing how addicted I've become on this forum.

Well, its monday morning and I'm back in the office. I've been on the diet now for a whole week and it had some very good moments and some less good ones. I weighed myself this morning and I've lost a total of 3.2kg this week so far. How awesome is that?????? But what was really amazing was not the weight on the scale, its my measurements! Sal, I'm so excited for you, I'm sure you are also going to remeasure yourself like I did this morning. I couldn't believe it. Here's my measurements taken last week Monday and this morning. I'm not going to add all of them as I'm measureing EVERYTHING :D but the very important ones I'll list:

Around my bust: 128cm 125cm
My bellybutton: 123cm 115cm
My 'boep'/lower stomach: 139cm 129cm
Under my 'boep'/under lower stomach: 128cm 122cm
The ever expanding ass: 131cm 126cm

on my arms I lost 2cm and on my left leg 3cm. All in all I've lost 49.5cm. But like I mentioned before, I'm measuring everything :)

I went to a dietician last year and she said if I'm healthy, the first sign of me getting my insulin under control will be that I'm losing cm's around my stomach. I've lost 29cm in total around my 'unhealthy' zone. :) I'm so happy :hurray:

This weekend wasn't that easy. I'm not struggling with the food and I'm not scary hungry, but my hormones are in a bit of a tizz. I'm like a pregnant girl, extremely emotional. The WF has been extremely supportive and laughs at me for being just a tad funny. :). I take it my hormones are correcting themselves? I've got PCOS and I haven't had a lot of estrogen in my body now for a few years (according to the gynie), so I take it that must be why I'm feeling like a teenager. But I have a sense of humour about it. At least I can laugh at myself :D .

About my previous post, I did what all of you suggested. I had a nice conversation with the WF and we analysed my nightmare, looking for what my subconsious is trying to tell me and now I'm fine. Looks like I've overcome my first REAL challenge. But thank you all SOOOO MUCH for listening!!

This is me sending only good things to you all :) :santa:

Esthee, WOW! Congratulations! You'll have to change that "ever expanding arse" to now diminishing! I too can really relate to how you have been feeling. Confronting your demons & writing (typing) it down helped me put everything into perspective. I have suffered depression on & off for most of my adult life. I'm sure it's genetic. I usually self-counsel but saw a counsellor for the fist time last year whilst on Cohens. I did work it out for myself though but feel my on-line diary was the big catalyst. It's very therepeutic to type your innermost feelings in here where you get such loving, caring support. You do get hooked on the forum, but to me, it's being hooked on human connections & friendships & I don't see any harm in that. Your WF sounds very supportive & loving. I am lucky to have a husband who is also very supportive. It's an evolving thing with the program. We learn how to lose weight & fat but have to work out why we self-sabotage & why we got there in the first place. Facing that is half the key I think. We have to learn to love ourselves. To me it's not about being vain & self-centred(that's what I used to think) but about caring for ourselves & being healthy & happy in our skins. Don't ever be afraid to say how you feel in here. We listen to one another & help each other and ourselves by opening up & sharing, take care, Cate.

Hi Esthee

Glad to hear that you are feeling better, and you must feel so much stronger now facing and talking about you demons. I too have a very supportive husband who has helped me through alot and he also make me smile and laugh at myself. His support on Cohens has been fantastic, I have not told anyone except my best friend and parents that I am on Cohens, as I just want it to be my personal battle and when I am looking good, it will be great to see their reaction and shock at how well I have done.

WOW you have done soooooo well, I am so happy for you. Feels good to show those numbers off? ;-) I so look forward checking

Again I am so happy and proud of you, what a fantastic start.

Hi Esthee

reading your post really made my day. It makes everyone feel good when you know you have helped and made an impression in someones lives for the better. So you have made me happy.

Congratulations on your weight loss and centimetres loss as well. Like Sal you are brave and inspirational to all of us here. I am glad I am here to follow you on this journey of weightloss.......to the sweetest end.

Keep well and hope you have a wonderful day.

Sam:)

Hi all!

Just checking in and letting you all know its going very well. I asked the WF to hide the scale :o as I just don't have the self control to stay off the stupid thing! he he he. He will give it back on my 4 week mark for a weigh. Its really going very well with the diet at the moment. Its starting to just become the way I eat during the day and not something funny I'm trying. I'm also not that hungry any more.

Today is the first day in a while that my hormones aren't acting up :) Spent the whole evening last night just listening to smooth jazz and having my doggies all over me. It was really relaxing. The WF and a friend of ours were planning our next diving weekend. Will probably go to mozambique, but I'll make sure its selfcatering and will stick to my eating plan. The nearest coast is 500km away, so it will be nice to see the sea again.

I'm amazed at the amount of energy I have at the moment. I've been extremely lethargic for the past few years. And this past week and especially since day 4 I've had more energy than I know what to do with. :) I'm currently busy with my Masters Degree and I had my first meeting with my supervisor yesterday. I'm a writer by profession so I was really excited to see that I would only have to write between 50 en 80 pages for my thesis. I'm really excited about starting and the fact that I have more energy is really making me eager to use it productively.

Hope your day is also excellent!

Wow, just counted it and yes, I've been doing cohen's now 100% for 10 days. Wow.

Today has been a funny day. I'm still extremely emotional and I have a few other symptoms I've blamed on my diet. But when I spoke with my sister this morning about them, she just looked at me and said 'Aren't you pregnant?' Swoooosh. It makes sense. I'm late, I'm emotional, the list goes on. So off to the shops I went and bought 8 home pregnancy tests. If I'm pregnant it will still be early days, just over 4 weeks. I've taken two tests and the freaken things don't work. In the past I had a negative reading in like seconds. But both of the tests I've taken has given no results. Not even a test strip. And no, they are from different brands and bought in different stores. So I've been overemotional today wondering. So I can wait for tomorrow morning and look for a clearer test result or I can just go to the doc and get a blood test done. So I'm leaving for the doctor's in half an hour. Patience has never been my strongest point :)

I've been good diet wise today, eventhough I could really have done with some comfort foodies. The whole situation will actually be really funny if it turns out I am pregnant. I'll be a 29 year old woman having a shotgun wedding with the man she's been with for the past 13 years :D I think its really funny.

My biggest reason why I started with the Dr Cohen's diet was the fact that I wanted to start a family. But I want to be a fit and healthy mom and I'm just not that at the moment. Raising a baby will be exhausting for me now. But I can't help but pray that I am. I know its not what we planned and all, but I just so hope the tests will come back positive. It's like my brain knows the timing is not ideal, I need to loose some weight before I add extra weight and the responsibility of raising a child on my body. But I'm really ready for a little one. :( So today has really been a rollercoaster. It will probably turn out that I'm not. I've had previous scares before but I think this time I might just have a pity cry day if it turns out I'm not. Well I need to go for those tests.

BaaiBaai

Well it looks like one of the claims of the Dr Cohen diet is true. It really does correct hormonal inbalances. I'm not pregnant, but for the first time in over 4 years I actually have estrogen in my body. So I have all the symptoms, but its just my body's shock reaction to having estrogen again. Which I'm happy with because that was one of the reasons the Dr Cohen diet appealled to me. And it gives me time to finish my program, get to goal weight and have a happy healthy pregnancy later.

Well I'm on day 11 today and I'm feeling really proud of myself. I haven't been able to stick to a diet for longer than a week now for a few years. :svengo: In 2003 I got engaged to the WF and I was healthy, only a few kg overweight, but looked thin and good, and was excercising daily. I had just starting working at a new company and had to attend some training programmes. I was the victim of very disturbing sexual harassment and my immediate reaction was to gain 15kg in 8 months. The rest of my timeline is as follows:
2004 - 2005 gained 8kg
2005 - 2006 gained 10kg
2006 - 2007 gained 9kg
2007 - 2008 maintained my weight.
I sometimes wonder how on earth I got to 115kg but looking at my timeline its by adding less than a kilo a month. I have wasted 4 years of my life. I've been going through the motions, getting up, going to work, getting through the day, but I haven't really been an active participant to anything that happened over the past 4 years and 5 months. Its not as if I don't have anything to show for these years, I finished my honours degree, and I'm almost finished with my Masters. I've been able to have all my subjects with distinction in my Masters degree and will be getting my degree Cum Laude. Which is something to be proud about. I've also been able to build my career up and worked so hard last year that the company I work for sent me to Singapore for an all expenses paid holiday for 2 weeks. I've been able to build better relationships with family members. And I've grown as did the relationship with the WF.

But its time that I take back control over my life. Following cohens till the end is definitely a step in the right direction. This post is more of a diary entry than a conversation, but I'm feeling like I need to take a good look at how and why I gained 42kg and what has been happening during that time. The WF always tells me that I'm just a late bloomer :) but it really is time for me to bloom now.

Esthee, Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sure it helps us all by sharing our thoughts in here. While you may be disappointed that you are not pregnant now I'm sure you are have made an excellent decision to set yourself up for being a happy & healthy Mum. I don't know if you have ever had counselling re the sexual harrassment, but personally I found it helped me considerably. I have had very personal issues re my body image that I still don't feel like articulating them in the forum but have faced them & dealt with them with help. It's great that your partner is such good support for you emotionally.
I'm looking forward to following your progress weight-wise & hearing, after you reach your goal weight that you are expecting your baby. I'm sure it will happen for you, cheers, Cate.
PS I'm jealous-"I'd like to spend some time in Mozambique, the sunny sky is aqua blue, & all the people dancing cheek-to-cheek" & I'll spare you the rest...(Bob Dylan)... You're lucky you can't hear me singing........

Hi Ethee

I haven't been around as much this week and I haven't been feeling that good either but that pales into insignificance after reading your diary. I'm with Cate when it comes to the pregnanacy bit.....your time will come and when it does you will be a super fit Mum who will be there to face all the challenges that children bring along with them.
Well done on reaching a 10+ days milestone keeping adding up those days and in no time you will be a slim and healthier Esthee.

Take care

Sam:)

Hi Ethee

Sorry to hear you were not prg, but you will feel so much better when you do become prg with your new healthy slim body.

I totally understand looking at yourself wondering how you let yourself get to that weight, but at least we are taking action now and set ourselves some goals and going to be looking and feeling fantastic by Nov.

Hi Esthee,

Congratulations on your loss thus far - 49.5 cm and 3.2 after week 1 is awesome!! These kind of results just want to make you keep going and going...that is so cool!

Enjoy your day

TTFN
Annie Lusion

Hi Esthee

This is the whole reason for having a diary I think! The ability to think out loud… and SEE what you are thinking. And it really is useful sometimes having others to come and support, encourage and sometimes redirect some of that thinking!

Thank you for sharing some of your journey with us! Its funny how quickly sometimes you can develop a sense of knowing someone just through this style of communication!

I look forward to hearing the results of your next weigh in!!

Blessya
Kannadew

Hi,

Thanks for all the messages. I decided to be 100% honest with myself and the world while doing Cohens, so I'm just writing everything thats happening etc. It's really been a tremendous help having all of you share and encourage. I don't think I've ever felt such a sense of community on any diet I've ever been on. And it has made these past 2 weeks (ALREADY!!! :D) so much easier!!

Well I can't believe its Sunday morning and that tomorrow I've been 100% for 2 whole weeks. In just another 2 weeks I'll be having my blood tests done again. It's amazing how time actually flies. I got on the scales yesterday. I've decided that I will do a weekly weigh in for myself. I'm a serial weigher, so I think coming down from weighing 5 times a day to one time a week is ok.

I have lost a total of 5.5kg Woooo hooooooo

I am soooooo proud of myself and I think Dr Cohen's diet is amazing. I'm getting to the point where I'm eating because I have to not because I'm hungry and I was able to make Lasagne and Pudding for a couple of friends last night and not even taste my cooking. I had the WF taste to tell me when I needed more salt etc. And there I was munching away on some steak and zucchini and being perfectly happy.

For the last couple of years I have really started to believe that I would never be able to loose weight again. Its terrible when you do something like an Atkins and you end up gaining weight, the same with dieticians etc. This Dr Cohen effort was really my last one. I thought that if this didn't help, the only course for me would be to get a gastric bypass. And now I have faith in myself again, my self respect is probably through the roof and I'm loosing weight.

I am so happy today :party:

Hi Esthee

Congratulations, you are doing an unreal job. 5.5kg is fantastic.

:party:

I too are at the point where I am eating because I have to, not because I am hungry. I still however look at certain things and think "Ooo that would be nice" but I tell myself what I am doing is much more gratifying than 2 mins eating something I shouldn't.

Anyway you are doing so well, and I hope the next 14 days are just as successful.

Have a healthy week and I am sending you skinny thoughts :-)

Congrat's for me too Esthee......that is an amazing amount of weight to lose.
Keep up the great work. And glad to read you are doing well.

Sam:)

Esthee- Well done! I was also contemplating a gastric bypass.(:eek:) I am so glad I found Cohen's!! You are doing really well & sound like you are "in the zone" :biggrinjester: It's a great place to be! Cheers, Cate.

Hello Esthee

WOW!!!
5.5 is amazing..well done

Annie Lusion

Not in the mood to write a lot, just letting you all know that I'm doing well. Thank you soooo much for all your friendly replies :) I was so proud of myself yesterday. We went to a motor show which was hosted by the guys from Top Gear... LOTS of fun! :) I'm a Top Gear fan, don't know if you know it? But the WF and a friend were having mini donuts, hotdogs etc and I was munching away on my cracker bread drinking water. Did tell the WF that I was going to be mad at him for a while :D he he he. My clothes are really starting to sit loose. :party:

My only complaint at the moment is that I don't really have a lot of energy. Just being a bit active makes me extremely tired. Then again, I haven't been on a diet this long for the past 5 years, so maybe its normal... And I feel completely helpless and overwhelmed. But that is definitely not because of the diet. Current events in our country has had me and the WF feel frustrated, powerless and sad. The WF and I have a plan and hopefully we'll look back in 10 years after all the trauma and know we've made the right decisions. But the next 5 years is definitely not going to be a walk in the park. I know South Africans are getting a reputation for always moaning. So I'll leave it at that. :(

Enjoy and hope your days are wonderful!

Hi,

I've been a bit busy lately, so I haven't posted in a bit. I'm really in the zone with my eating plan and I'm losing weight like crazy. I am so happy today. People at the office is starting to comment that they can see I'm losing weight and that I look more healthy and rested. I'm starting to get into smaller clothes and my normal clothes are sitting either more comfortably or aren't fitting at all. :svengo:

I'll have been on the diet for three weeks on Monday and I can't believe I'm doing so well. I'm getting to a point where I'm struggling to eat everything. Especially my fruit. I'm just not hungry. So I end up eating my apple at like 9 at night, just before going to bed. I hope this doesn't affect my weight loss negatively.

Other than that, I'm doing well, I'm losing weight and feel better than I have in a long long while.

:party:

Hi Esthee

I am so happy for you that you are doing so well. Congratulations on the great effort.

I am not noticing it in my clothes yet, and no one has commented, but I don't see alot of people with working from home.

I too don't eat all the fruit and crackers, but my consultant told me that that is o.k.

How great is this feeling not being hungry while on a diet, never had that before

My husband and I have all the top gear episodes on DVD, havn't seen them all yet, but will like it, gunna snuggle up in bed soon and watch a couple of episodes.

I too have been tired, but I am blaming my new medication, will see how I feel once I get use to the new meds.

Anyway well done and I will check up on you soon. .

Hi Esthee,

You are doing so amazingly well, such a great result after two weeks or so.

When I was on plan I ate all my fruit and all my crackers (I eat crackers with my meals never as snacks) even though I was full , I just thought that if I stopped eating fruit and crackers and my body got used to that then I re-started eating them again, would that slow down weight loss? So I just always ate them and got my body used to those few extra carbs and sugars. Not sure if that made sense, and I am no expert on this plan but that was my logic...doh!

Really happy that you are feeling great and that people are starting to comment... that helps alot it just keeps you going and going.

Have a wonderful weekend

TTFN
Annie Lusion

Well done Esthee!!!!!!!!When you feel those clothes getting looser after 2 weeks....well you know you are onto a good thing.

Sam:)

Congrats Esthee...Sounds like things are going really well for you!! That's awesome!

If you are feeling a bit tired... just remember to take your vitamins, cos I know that I still often get tired if I dont take them.

Blessya
Kannadew

Esthee- You are going great! Well done! Thank you for being so helpful & supportive to us all as well. I found if I ate an apple during the day it made me hungry but it's very good fibre so your idea is probably a good one I think. Cheers Cate.

Hi all,

My weekend was really really nice. The WF and me spent yesterday just staying in and watching lots of tv. We can really be some of the most lazy people on earth if we want to :) Watched 'Guess Who' again and I still think its a very very funny movie.

Spent the whole day with the in-laws who are more my family than my own family (except my sister). We went to a very nice restaurant and just enjoyed each other's company for the whole day. It was such a nice day. I phoned the restaurant last night and asked them to prepare my Cohen's meal for me and they did it ok. Will take my scale with me in the future though. It seems they think vegetables does not need to be weighed, so I had to go by my gut to 'estimate' what a 100gr of veggies looked like. They did get the fillet right which I'm glad about.

All and all a very nice weekend. My weight has been standing still lately but I think its just my body getting to grips with the weight loss.

Well, I'm dead tired and I think I'm going to bed now.

Hi Esthee

Nothing wrong with a lazy weekend....before hubby and I had kids we had them quiet often....but once you have the littlies those weekends are far and inbetween. We are just enjoying our time until soccer starts so take the time and enjoy.

It sounds like you are super organised with the restaurant and all.....good for you.
Also give yourself time with the weight loss...the first month always shows an incredible loss, then it get a little slower......but it does come off.

Keep well.

Sam:)

Hi Esthee, Thanks for your "visit". I would love to be going to Mozambique! I hope you have a ball. I will have to hear about it- please! Cheers, Cate.

Hi everyone,

Well I've just finished day 23 of my journey and its going well. I spent the whole day dealing with governmental burocracy. Me and the WF had to go to home affairs to get our passports and other documentation and stood in a line for 2 and a half hours. At least we met a lot of nice people. Then I had to get our car licences renewed which took another 2 hours. But I feel like I accomplished something today.

I do however have the following remarks on myself:

1. I am extremely aggressive lately. I've never been a person to stand up for myself, admit that I'm angry or actaully get angry at all. I went for therapy a while back and the psychiatrist told me that I've never learnt to deal with anger and that I have a lot of pent up anger. Which I've always laughed at as I'm not really really not aggressive. To paint the picture a bit clearer... I started doing kickboxing, but hated the feeling of aggression that was needed to kick and punch. But this past week, I'm angry at everyone and everything. Any ideas on why????

2. I'm extremely forgetful. I drove an extra 15km to the licencing office today because I forgot where I was going to. I'm forgetting conversations I had, I'm walking into the kitchen to get something and 2 hours later I remember I wanted to do something in the kitchen. This is not like me at all. It's like my mind has left the building. :)

3. I'm depressed. I wrote a while back that I'm fighting it, but its back. I wake up every morning with an extreme sense of sadness. I haven't resorted to taking my antidepressants yet, I'm hoping that it will pass quickly. But the urge and physical need for Carbs is overwhelming.

I have Major depression and one of the main symptoms is the unreal craving for very high carb foods. like pasta, and bread. It has become unreal. I fight myself 24/7 at the moment to stick to my plan and to not deviate. But it is really difficult.

4. I've started to feel hungry again. I'm really really really hungry. But I think its linked to my craving for carbs. Don't really know. ?

And then I haven't even started on the weight. :( I've not lost a gram since the last time I updated my ticker.

Overall, it looks like my honeymoon period with the diet is drawing to a close and I'm starting to have to really stay strong. I won't deviate, nor will I give up. It helps to write my feelings here :)

I hope you are all doing well.

Esthlee -- I liked reading your diary because I wonder if you have something like PCOS (I do). Just some comments made me think you did.

Also, I wanted to comment on the carb = depression thing. You are 100% on track. I have to find the article where I read something about how the carbs that we consume can (in certain people) give a "boost" to relieve depression. I don't remember exactly what the article specified, but they did suggest alternatives so that you don't binge on carbs.

If you do have PCOS, I recommend the website Soulcysters. They have tons of information on it, and how to help manage the symptoms. I am going to read up on Cohen's because it sounds like something that would help.

I'll be back with the link to the article.

Good luck! You've done amazing so far.

---------

This is not the article I meant, but it has some interesting information: Sweet and Sour (http://www.mcmanweb.com/article-152.htm)

And this one has the sources where the study is used: Brain serotonin, carbohydrate-craving, obesity and depression -- Wurtman and Wurtman 3 (Supplement 4): 477 -- Obesity (http://www.obesityresearch.org/cgi/content/abstract/3/suppl_4/477S)

It's in the Diabetes Care, that I think I found the article.

Hi Esthee

So sorry to hear about how you are feeling. I think Winedeer might have some good advice for you here.
Esthee the other reason for your irritability and carb cravings may be linked to your time of the month (TOM's). You may be experiencing pre-menstural tension (PMT)....this is when I crave the carbs the most and become very irritable with everyone. My husband knows when it is occurring and luckly for me he stays out of my way and also keeps the kids out of my hair.

With regards to not losing well this could be contributed your TOM's well...we all carry extra fluid during this time. So don't panic too soon.

I hope things are improving since your last post and please let us know how you are going. You are such a motivating person to us here so please keep strong...life throws us many curve balls and at times they can be difficult to manage but when we do - it only makes us stronger which in turn helps us to manage the next challenge of life.

Take care Esthee.

Sam:)

Hi everyone,

WineDeer Hi and welcome to the forum. You are 100% correct. I've been diagnosed with PCOS a few years ago. I actually decided to use the Dr Cohen diet after my gynie told me that the Dr Cohen diet will be able to help get all my hormones and serotonin levels back to normal. I would really recommend this if you have PCOS. I haven't had enough estrogen in my body to actually have my TOM without using my pills, but on my recent check up, the gynie was really happy to see my estrogen levels having increased wonderfully. Thanks for the wonderful links! :) I'll definitely go through them.

Sam Thanks for your wonderful message! You've just reminded me why I adore everyone on this forum :) Unfortunately its not my TOM, but I do think its just a bunch of emotional issues that's coming to the fore now that I'm losing weight.

I just need to say that I'm doing way better than my previous post. I tend to have low days, but mostly I'm OK. My cravings are still here, but I'm managing by drinking loads of water. I decided to start using my elliptical trainer again. I think 20 minutes of exercise will definitely help.

Happy Valentines to all of you. :)

Keep up the good work darls! XXX

Hi Esthee

I too am having a hard time with my emotions and especially the cravings. I am finding it a struggle everyday not to deviate. I would love a piece of toast a vegemite for breakfast. I could live on that for beaky every morning and never get sick of it. But I am stuck with yogurt and mango, seems to be only thing I can get down in the morning without feeling nauseous. But my carb cravings are huge. And I found myself crying in the middle of the night 2 night ago, just feeling so overwhelmed with everything and I just could not stop.

Anyway just wanted to show my support and let you know that I am on your side and we will get through this together with all the great support in here how could we not.

Take care:waving:

Hey,

I haven't really been in the mood to type much this past week. It was an extremely eventful week for me :) I've ordered some beautiful couches for our sunroom in our house, mainly for the purpose of lounging in them reading a good book enjoying the garden. I've ordered them back in November and they were finally delivered on Thursday. It made for an interesting Valentines. Me and WF spent the whole evening sitting on the new couches chatting. We watched the sun come up and drank loads of coffee. :) They really are extremely comfortable, and eventhough I'm huge at the moment, I can curl up in them like I used to when I weighed 60kg in a normal chair.

The main events of the week however was my work. Early this year the head of communications in America changed our team's structure and put one of my coworkers in charge of the team. I'm generally not really that interested in office politics, so I just continue writing, doing my job etc. The only problem is that the new TeamLead was useless (and I actually really like this oke). He has NO leadership skills and the whole team was basically sitting around not knowing what we were supposed to do, browsing the internet etc.

I can handle many things, but sitting around at the office doing nothing is not my idea of a fun day. I travel 60km to work everyday and to travel that distance to sit and hope that this new TeamLead will do his job is not something I'm ok with. So I told management that I was not happy, which is something I really don't do. And promises were made, I was asked not to look for other work etc. But a week later, nothing really changed. A lot of confidential :( stuff happened and now our old TeamLead is in charge again. :D That means I'll be working my arse off as from tomorrow :) I'm really happy with the outcome of these events. I'm a bit of a workaholic and I love writing documentation. So this week will definitely be a good one.

On Friday evening I also got my new car :d :hurray: I love it. With me traveling so much for work, I really needed one. Spent the whole weekend showing family and friends my new car. :d

We went and had lunch with my sister, brother in law and my amazing niece today. She is 2 years old on the 23 rd of March and she is growing so fast at the moment. She's definitely the apple of my eye and it helps that I'm her favourite aunt :) They've been thinking about their future lately and what they want for my niece and the other children that they will have. So during lunch today they told us that they've decided to move to Australia. My bil is a mechanical engineer and his job prospects looks much better in Aus than it does in SA at the moment. Companies aren't allowed to employ white men because of BEE and they need to build a life. I can understand they're reasoning completely, but I'm a bit sad. I'm not close to my family at all, I hardly speak to my parents and have no contact with the rest of my family. But my sister and I are extremely close. We chat at least an hour every day. Her living in Aus will make it very difficult. If it was up to me, I'd be jumping on the plane with them :) but I've got a WF and another family I'm also close to. But who knows what the future hold? Maybe in a few years we'll join them?

On the diet front I'm doing wonderful. I've not really lost much weight this week, I think I've been stabilizing a bit, but I'm down and I've lost 8.1kg in my first 4 weeks on Cohens. The cravings have been better this weekend, this past week was rather a struggle.

I'm starting with my antidepressants again tomorrow. I've analysed my depression and it has no logic behind it, so its time for my pills again. I'm really in a dark place at the moment, but I've learnt to take it for what it is. It will take 2 weeks for the pills to start to work, but I need them if I want to finish my Cohen journey.

I'm really very happy with the Cohen diet. I haven't been able to stick to any one diet for longer than a few days and tomorrow morning I'm going for my blood tests and I know I've been 100% for 4 whole weeks. :) Well, I have to get up early to go to the hospital before I leave for work so I'm saying good night and going off to bed now... :)

Esthee, I feel for you with the depression. I, too, suffer from it & have done for over 30 years. When it doesn't pass I seek help. Thankfully, these days it passes. It's probably because I'm no longer hormonal. There's something to be said for being "mature" in years! My sister moved to the US in 1980 but we managed to maintain our very close relationship until she died 2 years ago. It will be tough but we made sure we could get cheap calls & spoke at least once a week & emailed constantly. It's a good reason to come to Australia for a visit & who knows what will happen a little further down the road. You & your WF & maybe even his family may end up following your sister. Stranger things have happened... I hope you feel better soon. Make sure you are getting enough sleep. It's very important on Cohens. Take care, xo Cate

Hi Esthee

I feel for you when I read your diary you seem to have to face alot of challenges in your day to day life......but within your post I can recognise a strong person who hasn't given up on themselves or life. I know you are facing alot on your plate - and having your sister move must bring you lots of sorrow....if my sister moved away I would be devastated she is my best friend but I would also respect her decision and her family and then I would start saving money straight away so I could visit her.
As humans we must look at the "bright side of life"....corny i know but it makes sense.

I must tell you this story of a friend of mine who recently broke down to me....I think I mentioned it briefly in my diary. Well she admitted to me that she suffered from depression had just stopped her meds.....her parents are coming out from OS and she is stressing about it...she had an unhappy childhood and other things which I won't go into, but you would never know she has suffered so much grief in her life... she is the most out going and happy person you could ever meet, she is there for anybody...which unfortuately for her can attract some hanger ons..but we are working on that. She is basically taking one day at a time now, but I can see the little steps she has taken have actually been major ones. She also has a sister that she is very close to but she lives OS and did try it out here but it wasn't for her.
So Esthee you are not alone in this I feel you have your support systems with you there you WF for one and now you have us here too.

Take care.

Sam:)

Hi everyone - I am so glad I am finally able to say this ...

I started Cohens on the 1st of February and was seeking to know how others are experiencing it. Well, I happened on one of your threads Esthee, I registered on this forum because of reading your posts - you are inspirational. I believe that you are on the right track with the medication and while I have no real understanding of depression, from what I read you seem to be pretty strong and capable of beating it.

That's it for now, I still have to figure out how this thing works - it is the first time ever that I am subscribed to a forum like this:confused:

Hi everyone!

I'm a month on from starting with Cohens and it is really really going well. :) I went to the consultant yesterday and she actually mentioned that Dr Cohen told her to tell me that he could see an amazing improvement in my hormone levels and that he could see that I haven't deviated one bit :) I've lost almost 10kg in one month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I'm through the difficult part of the diet as I'm starting to feel energetic, organised and happy. I was sitting in my sunroom yesterday looking out at my garden and having this wierd feeling... I analysed it and I realised that I'm completely happy for the first time. There's always been something bothering me, but now, I'm in control of my worklife, my personal life, and most importantly, my food intake :). I had an extremely traumatic childhood and I've learnt that people can't cope with my truth, so I don't speak about it or tell people about what I had to live through. But my one wish that I've had since I can remember was to create a happy safe life for myself. And I've been working hard at it now since I left my parents' house. But for the first time, I think I might be there :)

GJeans :waving: I'm so glad I've been able to be an inspiration for you :) It wasn't really my intention when I started with my diary, I just tend to write whatever I'm dealing with. I'm glad you found this forum. It's been my rock on very bad days and coming in here reading that I'm not alone has been a tremendous blessing. Don't worry about how the forum works, this has also been my first forum experience and the others are very helpful when you make a little faux pas ;) Good luck :cheers2:

Sam and Cate thanks for you wonderful messages :) The WF and I had a long talk and we've decided to follow my sister in 2 years. He knows how much she means to me and we've taken some other factors into account as well. He owns his own company and they've been thinking of branching out internationally for some time now. His parents are in the position to come and stay with us for 6months at a time and I'm sure his siblings will also follow... will have to see how things pan out.

Well that's me for today... I need to get ready for work :)

Great job with the weight loss Esthee! That is really awesome! And it is great to hear the Cohen's program has not only helped you in weight loss but also in other aspects of your life. I spent a large part of 2006 & 2007 suffering Post Natal Depression and know the fog. Not a nice place to be. I am glad you have found a peaceful place. I too am finding the diet's helping with feeling in control not only in the kitchen. Doesn't it feel great to take the power back! Keep up the good work. Lots of love:beating:Jen

Esthee- Reading your post has made my day. I just came out in goose-bumps!We are here to support one another, through thick & thin (no pun intended!). If ever you want to share your experiences we are here to listen, not to condemn. You sound like you are in such a good place. I am really pleased for you. What state in Australia is your sister moving to?
10kgs-fantastic!! Well done!!!!
Cheers for now, Cate.

Hi,
Cate I'm so glad I made your day, because mine is wonderful :) My sister is thinking of moving to Diamond Creek in Melbourne. But they'll rent a place first and have a look at the city. Her husband grew up on a farm in a little town in the Cape and they want to live in a country like atmosphere. We'll probably settle in the same area as them when we move as well. :) We'll definitely go to Tasmania as soon as we can, the WF has always found it beautiful.

Esthee

Hi Esthee

I am so glad you are feeling better within yourself. I too understand the depression and the darkness that surrounds you and your thoughts. But I am so proud of you for seeing through it and enjoying what you have in the here and now. And feeling more in control of your own life sure does help.

WOW fantastic weight loss, you must feel so great. How are you clothes going, are they falling off yet. I noticed that my nickers have gotten alot looser. I was walking around the house in my skirt the other day and I noticed that they started to fall down around my bottom, what a laugh.

If you move out here you will have to come visit me. I am about 40mins south of Melbourne, in Geelong.

Anyway I hope you are still feeling uplifted and have a lovely weekend.

Hi Esthee

well done on the 10kg weight loss!!!!!!! that is so awesome. I am also glad to see that the issues you were struggling with are being discussed and some closure is being made.
I hope you have restful weekend and look forward hearing from you again.

Sam:)

Hi,

After my month of really doing well on the diet, the WF has decided to start with Cohens as well. He went for his blood tests on Monday and we visited the consultant together on Thursday. She went through my bloodwork and told me everything was fine and then she turned to him and I'm still horrified with the results. His family has Type 1 Diabetes in their genes and his grandmother passed away a few years ago because of complications with her diabetes. The WF is such a strong big man I don't see him as weak or sick at all. But according to his bloodwork, he is on the verge of being diagnosed with Type 1 D and has liver damage because of all the junk food he eats. Apparently his liver is very sensitive to too much salt :(.

It can all be fixed with eating healthily so they will redo all his test in 4 weeks and see if their has been an improvement. If not, he'll need to see a doctor and start with medication. We're just glad it was caught this early. He needs to loose 35kg and started with the diet yesterday.

Now that you know the background I need to tell you of the monster I'm living with at the moment :rotflmao: She warned us that his detoxing was going to be bad, but he is soooo funny. I've sent him to our room an hour ago, closed the curtains and told him to sleep :) He's biting my head off one moment and sulking the next. I'm just glad I know what he's going through so I can be patient with him and his MOOD today... Tomorrow is my 29th birthday and he better not be mean to me :smilielol5: But shame, I'm feeling so sorry for him at the moment.

I'm doing well, going out for coffee with my sister and niece this afternoon and I'm looking forward to that. Well, enough of me on my laptop... I need to start cleaning the house and buying supplies for the week ahead.

Bye
Esthee

Even though you got some bad new glad to hear that it is all fixable that you found it nice and early. I hope that he is feeling better.
:party:HAPPY BIRTHDAY:party:

I hope you have a wonderful day

My WH is doing the diet with me, but having double everything most of the time. It makes it so much easier doing it together. But he is still having the occassional drink and bad foods when we are out, but in moderation. Even though he is not on the strick diet he has already lost 11.4kg in 4 weeks. It make you sick how easy these men can loose the weight. And he is eating double what I am and also have a rum and coke a few nights a week and a tiny bit of junk food a couple of days a week.

Anyway you are doing so well, keep up the good work and I hope WF detoxing breaks soon and he gets that bust of energy which we all know if fantastic.

Again Have a lovely birthday.

Good morning everyone - wow Esthee 10kg that is MASSIVE :hurray: ... and you have not cheated once - wow - that is really incredible!!!!

I have been at this now for 23 days and I can honestly say the 1st 16 days were almost 99%, I had a handle on things and was barely cheating - give or take an extra 10g chicken here or there.

Come day 17, the wheels literally came off the bus, I binged liked a crazed monkey on Kentucky Fried Chicken of all things :puke: I have just gone off the program again yesterday...( I find weekends are my absolute nightmare - I dont know how to spend my time without eating and I am on my TOM so yikes ... I am at a loss as to what to do to get a grip... someone help .

And talking about WF's mood swings - I find that mine have not evened out as yet - is it because I am not following the programme 100% - every small little thing seriously gets to me - I am a monster of a wife and mother at this stage ... (1 supportive husband, 3 sweet kids and 2 eager to please "pavement specials" dogs)

Shoot, there I went using your diary to vent - :o

But hey on the bright side - when I went to weigh on the 20th, I had lost 5.8kg - my body wants to do this, but I am not sure if it is the mind continuously trying to sabotage my efforts ...

Anyways, well done and your WF is lucky to be with inspiration in the house so, at the end of the month, he might be out of the T1D danger ...

:waving:

And where are my manners - Happy Birthday - 29 is the very best year, you will see. By the time you reach 30, you will be healthy and slim!

Happy Birthday Esthee!!!!!!:seeya::hurray::cheers2::waving:**** :hurray::waving: :seeya::cheers2:Cheers, Cate.

HAPPY 29TH BIRTHDAY ESTHEE!!!!!!!!!:hug2::hug2::hug2:
HAVE A FABULOUS DAY AND ENJOY YOURSELF:hurray:


Sam:party:

YES :party: HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Hi everyone,

I've been a bit quiet lately. I'm a bit sick at the moment with a severe urinary tract infection.... ouch... I'm sleeping most of the time and have very little energy. I've been reading all of your diaries, but I'm a bit drained so I haven't had the energy to just be positive and write something nice :) With me its going really well, except for the nausea and being sick. I've lost 12 kg so far and I'm going strong. Not drinking any water at the moment unfortunately, as it makes me sick :puke: ;( but I've been forcing myself to have my meals.

Today was such a nice day. I had to go to the doctors and my clothes are all waaaay to big. :D So I went through my closet looking for smaller clothes to wear. I'm down from a 26 to a 22 !!!!! So now I have more clothes to choose from and I don't look as bad as I did yesterday :)

The whole family also decided that we will be spending December / Christmas in Mozambique for holiday. Everyone is going diving, but I'll just do some horse riding and reading :) I'm not too fond of water, especially being under water. I promised myself I would go for horse riding lessons as a reward for sticking on my diet for 6 months, so beginning July, I'll be going for those lessons.

The nicest thing about this December family holiday will be the fact that me and the WF has decided that we're going to surprise everyone with an inpromptu wedding on the beach. Will have to do lots of organising, but we don't want a traditional wedding. We just want to say our vows in front of the people closest to us and then go for a meal at a restaurant. So we should be able to organise it.

I have so much to be happy about right now, but I just want to crawl into a little ball and disappear. I hate feeling yucky..

Sal, Sam, Cate, Kannadew, Jen and everyone else... I'm glad you're here to share all of this with me. Sorry for not writing at the moment, but I will get to it soon. :)

Have a good week
The sick version of me.... :willy_nilly:

WEDDING ON THE BEACH!!!!

That's sounds amazing!!! And what a great motivation!

On the other hand, sorry your feeling so awful darls! Truly hope it passes quickly. (((HUGS)))

Esthee, Your wedding on the beach sounds like such a lovely, stress-free wedding. It's your day & you should do exactly as you please. We eloped!! It was a lovely day. No speeches, no fuss & still happily together after almost 37 years! I'm sorry that you have been unwell & I hope you feel better soon. Congratulations on sticking with the plan throughout!! That's a good test for you & you've passed with flying colours(pun intended this time-:puke:). Cheers & best wishes for your speedy recovery, Cate

Hi Esthee

I hope you are feeling better.

Well done on 12kg. I too have now lost 12 and I am starting to feeling it in my clothes. Have not pulled any old clothes out yet. Going to wait till I reach 99kg which is only 6kg away. But I cannot hide that I am on a diet anymore as people are starting to notice. So I am telling them that it is due to the up coming back operation and I want to recover as quick as possible and losing weight will help this.

I am looking forward to my 30th in Nov so I can show off my new body too all my old friend that I don;t see very often. I have started looking for my costume to wear, it has to be fitted and show off my new figure well. It is very motivating to start shopping online and see what I want to be by Nov. I have decided that I want to have a costume party for my 30th, so my best friend and I have started lookign around together online, it is loads of fun.

Anyway, I am so glad that we are still here together and on our way to our goal. Bring on Nov and our new bodies. :party:

Hi everyone!

I'm still feeling under the weather, but yesterday was quite a day. I slept most of the morning and got up to make myself some lunch. While I was chopping away on my crabstick, the knive slipped and I took out a chunk off my finger. Ouch! Phoned the WF to take me to the emergency room for stiches and he made it home in record time. While I was being treated they noticed that I was in shock, so they gave me a sugar lollipop and Coke to get me right again... It helped to get me out of shock, but it didn't really fit into my diet plan. The WF didn't want me to make lunch after that and got me some chicken take away for lunch, which wasn't Cohen at all and he made dinner, which was ok, but he didnt measure my portion. I didn't have any fruit yesterday, but I'm sure yesterday must have cost me some weightloss.

My finger is really sore, and I'm still struggling with fever and feeling sick :( But were going to the beach this weekend and I'll have to be better by then :(

Hi Esthee

sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch.....I think the unplanned deviation can be forgiven seeing it was for a medical issue. You take of yourself now and remember you are doing so well, 12kg is a lot of weight to loss. Your wedding plans sound wonderful as well, my girlfriend did the same thing minus the family and friends.
You are so luck to have a that WF of yours you take care of him as well, okay.

Bye for now
Sam:)

Hi Esthee

Sorry sorry to hear the you are having a rough patch. And Ooooo I feel you poor finger, how yucky. I cut my palm the other day while washing dishes, I accidentally put a really sharp knife in the sink and covered by bubble I was feeling around and ran my hand over the knife, got a very long cut, was sore, lots of blood, but looked worse than it was no sticked required.

Don't worry about the deviation, you are still on track, and have lost so much. You are still doing fantastically. I was missing Vegemite so much that when I had my cracker last night I smeared a very thin amount of Vegemite on it.... Oh it was tasty!! I know I am naughty.

Hi Esthee - Sorry about your ill-health, hope you are already better and that the finger has healed as well!

Great progress with 12kg lost - yay! - I bet by now you have lost another 2 or so - it is so amazing to see your thighs slowly but surely shrinking isnt it...:jump:

A beach wedding in Moz in December sounds soooooooo romantic :drool5:- and to think you will be svelte and healthy, the pictures will be perfect, you will be happy, WF will also be looking great - it is bound to be absolutely perfect ... good luck with all the preparations.


:seeya:

Esthee, I am new here.
Congrats on your weight loss. What an inspiration.
I have worried how I would go if I had a medical problem and couldn't follow my program.
How's your finger?

X
Ez

Hi!

I've been quiet for a few days as I was lounging on the beach in Mozambique :coolgleamA: It's going much better with my finger and I'm feeling healthy again. Thanks for all of your well wishes and concerns for my finger. :)

Well I've now officially lost 14kg so far. And I've gone from a size 26 to a size 22. I'm wearing clothes I haven't been able to fit into for the last 2 years, which is amazing.

We spent the weekend and a few extra days in Ponto do Ouro in Mozambique and it was magical. The WF and his best mate spent most of the time diving and they were lucky enough to swim with Whale Sharks and some other big fishes he was raving about ;) I spent my time swimming in the sea and walking on the beach. I also took our 4x4 and explored the surrounding areas. I was able to stick to my diet 100% eventhough our little bungalow didn't really have a kitchen so to speak. More like a portable gas plate in a cupboard. But I made do. We went to the local market and bought eggs, onions and tomatoes from the locals.

I took a lot of photos and have posted some of them here Flickr: Photos from Photos from Esthee (http://www.flickr.com/photos/24514828@N05/) It really is beautiful there.

During our time away something funny happened to me. The WF, the best friend and myself took the 4x4 for some serious off roading on a 4x4 track just outside the town. The track is surrounded with the most beautiful green hills as far as the eye can see. At one stage it started to feel like I was going to fall out of my window any second, so I got out and told the boys to go play while I observed the scenery. For the past 6 years my life has been ruled with the thought of how fat I am, how big I am, how I'm not losing weight. Its been such a big part of my identity really. It is who I am actually. When I meet someone new, my first thought is 'what are they thinking about my big body? etc' As I was walking and looking at the green hills and the sun setting just being all alone, I realised that during our whole trip I've started to feel like me again. The real me. I'm not thin yet, actually I still look pretty disgusting. (I mean I weigh 101kg :leaving:) But for the first time I'm thinking and doing things I used to do as a teenager. Not being shy to talk to people, holding my head up when I walk. Wearing dresses again.

My journey will take me the rest of the year to complete, I know that but for the first time I'm better. My body might still be lagging behind a bit, but my mind is getting better. I have to go make dinner for the WF and myself now.

But before I go I also need to write my other thing that I've been thinking about today. Next monday will be my 8 week mark. And so far this past 3 weeks I've only lost 4kg. Is that normal? It just feels so small? In my first 4 weeks I lost 10kg? I've really found ways of making Cohens fit into my life very comfortably, but am I perhaps doing something that I shouldn't hence the small weight loss?

Anyway, enjoy the day
Esthee

Hi Esthee I am so happy for you ... it sounds so amazing to be in that peaceful, kind space with yourself - keep this, I mean how you felt walking alone in an almost perfect surrounding as a shield when doubt creeps in and you are feeling down.

When I went for my weigh in and started counting out loud how I will have lost the same weight in another 4 weeks, the Consultant told me that it will not be so - in the coming months, I will gradually lose less weight per month than the 1st time - something about the body getting used to the regimen or something like that, can't remember exactly...

4 kilos is still, a lot of fat lost - think about it as 8 bricks of Stork Margarine, melted and flushed out, never to return!

Maybe to rev up your metabolism a bit you might consider some light aerobic exercises if you dont do them already ... I watched "You are what you eat" on BBC, Gillian advises buying a mini-trampoline and jumping for 20 minutes in the morning (I saw the trampolines at Game Centurion) - if that souds too hectic, find something that will be fun.

Until next time, :seeya:

Esthee, you pictures are beautiful. They look like some of our beaches in Australia.
I really sympathise with your feelings of your size and I feel like I have been hiding in this body for many years and not experiencing what life has to offer.
I can't help you on the whole weight loss slow down thing but if you ask your consultant they may be able to help you out.

X
Ez

Esthee, I also lost 10kgs 1st month & then either 4 or 5 every 4 weeks after that. Be very careful with exercise as your fuel(food) intake does not sustain too much energy output. I loved reading your diary post today. I so much can relate to what you said about finding yourself again. At 54 I am now feeling "normal" & am more like the Cate in her 20's. Well size-wise anyway! xo Cate

Hi darls, what a beautiful place! Lucky girl!

Congrats on the 14kg too! WOW! That's truly awesome. XXX

Hi Esthee

Welcome back what a heavenly location. Well done on your 14kg weightloss your feeling and seeing it now thats for sure. Glad to see your finger is on the mend aswell.
Take care and will catch up with soon.....and by the way the weight loss does slow done the first month is usually where the major loss takes place and alot of that is fluid so it is all fat from now on and remember to do your measurements when you are not sure or try on some clothes as a gage.
Keep up the amazing work.
Sam:)

Hi all!

I'm having such a lovely day. Its my niece's second birthday party today and most of the family who will be there have not seen me since I started on Cohens, so it will be interesting to see their reaction. I've lost 15kg sofar and I'm very pleased with it. At first I was a bit sad that it wasn't between 18 and 20kg in total, but I know I've been following my plan 100% and have only deviated with one lollipop when the hospital gave it to me for shock. So I'm doing really well. :)

:party:

Things at work are also really going well at the moment. The design meetings are over and I can start doing what I love... documenting. :) I love going to work and feeling productive. Sitting in meetings all day is not my idea of a good day ;)

Yesterday I gave my last pair of fat pants away. I felt almost sad about it :confused: I bought them about 2 years ago and they are super stretchy, so they were just always comfy. But they are waaaay to big for me now. But then again, every item of my clothing will become my 'fat' clothes :) Very soon the clothes I'm wearing now will also make their way out of my closet. :driving:

Hi Esthee

So glad to hear that you are going well, loved reading about your break on the beach, love the pics, very beautiful.

I love going 4wding, my husband and I go every few weeks, we are in a 4wd club here in geelong. But most of our trips are with friends. We are going away for the easter weekend to a large 4wd gathering and we will be filming the event for a TV show down here called 4WD TV. All expenses paid, so I am really looking forward to that.

I have not given away or not wearing any clothes yet. Some are getting quite big, but still wearable. I did however buy myself a nice long woolen jacket with a hood from the skinny girls section of Target the other day. It was a size 18, it doesn't do up as nice as I would like, looks good when it is open, but won't be long till it will look better tied up. I just really loved it so thought what the hell, I should buy it and get some wear out of it. Once it doesn't fit I could sell it on eBay. I wanted to go shopping just to see if I could get into any of the clothes in the skinny area of target, as I usually have to shop in the option plus (fat chick) area. I tried a few tops on, and I am almost there but not quite still a bit tighter than I would like, so will give it another 10kg or so and see how I go. But was nice to be able to get them on at least even if they were a bit tight. before I would have been lucky if I could get them on my left leg, let alone on my body. lol

Anyway love I am glad you are doing so well, keep up the great work.

Hi Esthee, I hope you are well and keeping strong on the plan ...

Haven't seen your post in a while and just thought I would cheer you on ...

Cheers

:seeya:

Hi GJean,

I'm doing well, just busy reading everyone's posts at the moment and then I'll be back here writing about my week.

Nice to see you online :)
Esthee

I see you are are here too, this is proving to be such a great escape from the easter eggs and hot cross buns and things. Cannot wait to read your next post.

Cheers

Hi,

I have to admit I am not in the mood to write at all. My world is upside down at the moment and I'm trying to stop focusing only on my diet and actually getting some other things done. I've lost 17kg so far and I'm doing ok. I'm getting bored with the food, but after losing so much I just close my eyes and eat my meal. My life feels like sitting at the bus stop waiting for the bus to come. You have some idea of what time its coming, but at the moment, you're just sitting, waiting for it to come. I'm just going through my daily motions to get another day done, and to get closer to actually reaching my goal weight. It feels like its all I have strength for now.

Well, I'm doing ok, trying to get my head right so I can start with my dissertation and actually do some work at the office for a change. Instead of just waiting for another day to just end.

Hey Esthee, I know the feeling - but fortunately it shall pass.

One of the things that inspires me about you is that even when you are feeling like this, you still keep 100% to Cohen - you need to really pat yourself on the back for that, some like me do not have that mental resolve.

I am so happy for you that you have lost 17kgs, that is just fabulous - you have lost a whole bag of potatoes and another half :hurray: - all of that in a space of 2 months - that is truly amazing!

Keep strong, hang in there, and soon the sound of the bus will be audible ...

PS: I might not have read your earlier entry about your studies - what are you doing/studying. You are my hero, smart and disciplined ...

Cheers

:waving:

Hi GJeans You just made my day! :) Yesterday was the worst day I've been through since I've started with Cohens. I didn't deviate, but I'm sure if I had cash with me yesterday I would have. My lunch was horrible, I made Ostrich steak for lunch and it was still too rare. And I was sitting in the office so there wasn't anything I could do about it. So I had to force it down. :puke:

I do tend to not give myself any credit whatsoever. The WF is always telling me that I should stop focusing on what I still have to lose and rather focus on how successful I've been and how determined. But I do tend to live in the past or the future, never in the present. :blush5:

I see you've also been losing a lot of weight. Congrats!!!

To answer your question, I work as a Technical Writer and I'm busy with my Masters Degree in Engineering. I've finished all my classes and only need to finish my dissertation to get my degree. I hope to have my dissertation ready for review by August but at the rate I'm going, I'm starting to get behind schedule.

Thanks again for the kind words. :) And good luck, you've also lost such a lot of weight already.

Hi Esthee, I think there's a common thread amongst us all. Not many of us give ourselves credit for our achievements. We are happy to encourage others but usually give ourselves a hard time. You are doing great!! (Not good grammar, but I don't care today!) My LH always says I am wishing my life away! Sometimes it's hard to look to the future but we must & take pleasure & pride in our achievements along the way. Be proud of yourself. Take care, Cate.

I'm writing something today I really believed I wouldn't have to write in here EVER. The past 3 weeks have not been the best. I've lost some weight, but not a lot. (perhaps 4kg?) But with that I can deal with. It's my emotions that was horrible. I've been depressed like I haven't been in a long while. I've been feeling overwhelmed and out of control. I've tried to just ignore it and stick to my program, without any deviations and I've been successful with that. ... wow this is difficult trying to write what have been going on in my mind.... I was on the verge of committing suicide a year ago, but luckily the doctor noticed my moods and forced me onto antidepressants. I have been diagnosed with major depression and mostly I feel like I have control over it. The doctor has told me that I should take the meds for the rest of my life as my lows are really really low and dark. But its like admitting that I'm broken? Not well in the head :blush5:. So I pride myself in not needing my meds and coping on my own. The doctor that diagnosed me a few years ago always told me it was the people who didn't really need the meds who never stopped using them and the people who really need to that stop. :)

Well that brings me to today. This morning I had one of my 'episodes'. This entails me screaming at the WF and telling him I'm just getting in my car and never coming back. This isn't because of something that he did, this morning I actually woke him to scream at him :blush5:. So I ended up crying before work while trying to pack our lunches. This has happened so many times over the past years that he knows exactly how to handle me. So he normally just takes me into his arms, ask what he can do for me to make me feel less overwhelmed (generally this means he does a few errands for me) and gently telling me that I need to take my meds. I've got the best man out there, I know. :D

So, this morning I went back on my meds. With the firm realisation that I'm never going off them again. It will take another 2 weeks for them to start making a difference, but at least now I know I'm doing something to make it better. The problem is I'm still feeling a bit bruised and battered today. This led me to my first deviation. :banghead: I'm so dissappointed in myself today. I had some toasted sandwiches for lunch. But I'll go back to my plan immediately. Perhaps. Maybe.

I actually don't know if I should click the submit button. This is 'depro Esthee' talking and she's not my favourite person. But I know others might also go through this, and I'm not perfect.

Esthee

No one is perfect, believe me. You deviated because you needed it...do not stress.
It sounds like you truely do have a wf, he understands and supports unconditionally so it appears. Going back on your meds is the right thing to do especially if your Doctor is advising it and you are showing signs of major stress.
Do not feel guilty for writing how or what you feel....I am in same boat but with different circumstances. You sometimes feel like oh! here I go again will I ever get this right...but life is so unpredictable and our emotions just go along for the ride. So to get on here and tell it as it is, is a huge relief and destresser.
You take care now.
Sam:)

Esthee

I just looked at your ticker and you have lost 17kg...you go girl!!!!!!
You should be on a major high....well done.

Sam:)

Esthee, What can I say but I know how you feel! I have battled this for decades & managed most of the time (only just sometimes). To me I used to think it's weak taking pills but the last year has taught me some valuable lessons, about life, about me. I also think losing weight gets your hormones more active. With me it may be menopause.Whatever it is, it doesn't matter what it's called, I know I need chemical help. It is not a weakness, it is an illness. Please don't throw in the program. Get back on track, stay on your meds & it will get better. Life is good & you have people that really love you (esp. your WF!). I'm sending you a big hug & all the loving thoughts I can muster ,xoxo Cate.

Hi Esthee

The mark of greatness is to admit weakness and difficulty.However, there is nothing weak about depression, it is an illness that you can manage with the help of medication and the support of those closest and dearest to you. You already have all bases covered there.

I am glad you hit the submit button because now you can see that there are others out there who also care ... I will be thinking of you these 2 weeks until the meds have started to kick in.

Take it easy,

:seeya:

I am thinking of you and hoping you are hanging in there ...

Hi everyone!

I've been struggling to get time to be online, long enough to not just read everyone's diaries, but actually sit down and write something.

It's going really really well with me at the moment. I discovered that my biggest problem was lack of sleep. When I started with Cohen's I was sleeping in my own room with a new mattress that was made for people weighing between 120 and 150kg. :svengo: It was a very embarrassing day when we bought that mattress. The sales lady actually looked at me and in front of all the people there said 'You weigh about 115kg don't you?' and then took me to this mattress saying 'The mattresses you were looking at won't really work for someone your weight, best look at these ones.' Well she was right, its an amazing mattress. I sleep like a baby in it. The reason I needed a new mattress was the fact that I was snoring so loudly that the WF couldn't get any sleep while we were sharing a bed. :svengo: I was so overweight I suffered from sleep apnea and he would constantly wake up when I stopped breathing. So I decided to sleep in the spare bedroom.

I've been sleeping in 'my' room for a month and a half and about 3 weeks ago I went back to our bed. The snoring and sleep apnea is gone completely, so I thought it would be nice to snuggle with the WF again. Only problem is that our bed is 6 years old and not as supportive as the spare bed. :) So I've been sleeping horribly. I've also had insomia since I was 8 years old, so I don't sleep well as a rule. The weight stopped going down, my depression took over my life. So a few days ago the WF looked at me and told me very lovingly that I looked like crap. I had bags under my eyes etc. So I'm back to the spare bed, but sleeping wonderfully. :) At least the WF and myself know we really love each other he he he.

So I've started losing weight again, the depression is back into check and I'm feeling MUCH better. Will write again tomorrow, I need to make some lunch now.

Take care everyone.

Hi Esthee

Wonderful to hear from you I was getting a bit worried. It had been Cate and me most of the time coming in. What a story with the mattress...some people are just rude if you ask me. It is also so good to hear that you are doing well and losing. Take care now and have a lovely weekend.
Sam:)

That is so wonderful that you are back on form...

Cheers
:seeya:

Hi All!

I'm so glad we have a little Cohen corner where we can chat. It helps to not feel all alone in this. I have been doing really well. On Saturday the WF and one of our best friends took me out for breakfast. The idea was to have a normal breakfast, toast, bacon the whole thing. I was sitting in the restaurant looking at the menu and I just couldn't. The poor waiter was waiting a looong time for me to make up my mind on what I wanted, and I just couldn't cheat.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I've stopped eating my fruits and crackers as I'm just not that hungry, I've had some cream in coffee a few times etc. But actually eating bread again after all my hard work was just something I couldn't do. So I just had a bottle of water and a filter coffee. I have to have my 12 week blood tests done Sunday morning and I'll see if I've done enough to receive a 'deviated' verdict from my consultant. If I do, I'll start eating my fruits and crackers again, otherwise, I'll just continue with what I'm doing at present.

I do have some issues of late though. It feels like my self image and body image is completely out of whack. Its like my mind is struggling to keep up with my ever changing body. I still feel huge, but people are stating to treat me differently, they aren't staring at me when I go shopping, they aren't treating me with disgust. Its difficult to explain. Its almost as if I don't know how to feel now that I've almost lost 20kg. I'm wearing clothes that is too big for me because the idea that I'm actually not that big is still a bit..... terrifying? I've come to realise that my weight actually stands still if my mind is not completely ready to get smaller??? If that makes sense at all.

But I'll cope, even if it means that I will have to go see my therapist again just to chat. But writing it here helps a LOT.

I actually had the nicest dream a night ago. For the past 5 years I've always been fat in my dreams. My feelings and fears about the way I look just continued in my sleep. In this dream I was thin and getting married. I was looking at my mother and saying 'Mom I'm actually really getting married'. And in my dream I knew it was going to happen for me.

I'm so excited. I'm so scared and I'm so happy.

Oh Esthee, It is so good to hear you sounding much better. I can relate to what you're saying about the body image. It will take a while for your brain to catch up I'm afraid & talking to your therapist should help. I am only just starting to adjust mentally to what my body is physically. I still occasionally think I'm fat even though it is now 8 months since I reached my goal weight.
Your WF sounds like he's very supportive & a sweetie. Good for you resisting that breakfast. It's a very good sign I think. Take care, xo Cate

It is just fantastic.

I can relate somewhat to what you are saying. I think the reality will take a long time to really set in. For me even though I now wear size 38 clothes, from a 42, I still cannot grasp that i have lost a lot of weight already. The person that we "knew" in our minds will one day change to be who we will have become. Your therapist may be able to help you unlock the key to thinking of yourself as you are becoming. But your dream for me is truly fantastic, it means your subconscious is already priming you for the "happiness" that awaits you when you are slimmer and you are living your dream literally - and you know what, you will have that wedding and you will look exactly as gorgeous as you have long been hoping for.

Your post has really been inspirational for me

Keep up the good work

Cheers

:seeya:

Hi Esthee,

What a lovely dream...when the time comes you will be one stunning bride!
You have done so well, nearly 19 down,wow!! - it just seems like yesterday when you started.

Keep it up, stay focussed, you are doing great!!

TTFN

Annie Lusion

I really don't have much to say today. But I just wanted to pop in and let everyone know that I'm doing very well. I'm going for my bloodtests on Sunday morning. I've been on this diet now for almost 3 months.

I'm starting to take a look at my life at the moment, re-assessing my priorities, the things that brings me joy, etc. So at the moment I have stopped focusing on losing weight, I'm following my diet plan and that will not change, but I'm focusing on my spiritual side and my creative side that I have neglected for years. Starting with Piano lessons, that kind of thing.

I'm actually quite excited, I'm starting with piano lessons on Tuesday!! I love playing the piano, I have just never learnt how.

Actually, my weight is starting to slow down, but I'm really seeing a HUGE improvement in my overall well being, and just in myself. I also have noticed a HUGE increase in my energy levels. I can accomplish about 200% of what I could about 2 months ago.

Well thats me I'm going to have my weekend now :)

Hi Esthee

I hope you are stil well and you enjoyed your very first piano lessons - wow! There is so much of life out there isnt there. Way to go, and go and conquer while you are at it!

Let us know what the blood tests revealed ...

Cheers

:seeya: