So i am in this program at my school where i go to the elementary schools and help out children who need it. While talking to one of the girls who is in the program with me, she told me that one of the girls she works with is practically anorexic. She counts calories, exersizes like crazy and constantly needs to be told that she is skinny. And on top of all that, she is only 7! Its just so sad to see someone so young concerned about gaining weight, especially when she is at the age where she needs to gain it.

she probably watches her mother... and hermother is probably doing exactly the same thing

I did the same program for school with special Ed kids.

But anyways, I find that very strange. My 7 year old sister doesn't even know about weight other than "fat and skinny", and she certainly could never tell you what a calorie is.

I'm with maleficent, this poor girl has probably learned from her mother, or some other role model in her life that you need to be skinny. I can't believe how young she is though. Sad.

she probably watches her mother... and hermother is probably doing exactly the same thing

Most definitely.

Man...SEVEN years old?!?!?!?!? That makes me sad.

At 7 all I cared about was going outside to play, if I could have ice cream before dinner, etc.

Society these days.

Yeah, that's what we figured...I told her that an activity that she could do with the girl is make a mirror and decorate it, and she has to look in it everyday and tell herself that she is beautiful, no matter what...don't really know if that can help much, but its something

That's very sad.... A seven year old should be running around playing carefree. Not concerning herself with weight. That's very unhealthy for a child. I didn't get concerned about weight until i was in my teens.

she probably watches her mother... and hermother is probably doing exactly the same thing

I dont agree with this totally, it may possibly be the case, but I know a family in which the mother has no problems with weight, and the little girl who is 6 is already worried about her weight. I think some things that our nation tries to do backfires, yes our health is an issue, but there is a lot of pressure on kids. I know when I was 4 i was wearing spandex and big sweatshirts and that was appropriate kids wear, but now they advertise all these clothes some of which I cant believe are sold to children... some kids now are forced to grow up way to fast, and its not just about living what you learn, no matter what you do, blocking channels on t.v, and protecting your children from this ideal of what is "acceptable" they're going to see it, and sadly, it's a huge chunk of what people care about anymore..

ut I know a family in which the mother has no problems with weight, and the little girl who is 6 is already worried about her weight.
the mother might not have problems with her weight but that doesn't mean that she doesn't obsess over every little calorie that goes in her mouth... Children learn by watching those around them... mother, aunt, sister, friends...

the mother might not have problems with her weight but that doesn't mean that she doesn't obsess over every little calorie that goes in her mouth... Children learn by watching those around them... mother, aunt, sister, friends...

Okay let me put this a little more clearly, she is a bigger woman and loves the way she looks. Not a small girl..I mean not a problem with weight, as in shes happy with her body which itd be nice if more of us could do, but thats why we are all here. I dont know if you're aware, but I had the same problems and my mother is not like that, no one at ALL in my family is like that. You say that there so young so it has to be the parents, thats whats wrong with us women. We are so quick to jump and blame and point fingers, but until you're in that situation, its different stories. Its like the people that leave their kids out in the car in the heat and they die, its like OH HOW COULD SHE FORGET HER CHILD. well you know the mother has to live with that for the rest of her life, and I guarantee it wasnt intentional for 99% of the cases. We are so quick to pass judgement that one day it could come back and have bad karma onto us. You are treating parents like that like oh what dirt, but arent we all here obsessing about weight? Pretty much everyone on here is, so how can we judge them? I said I can see that SOME have that no doubt, but dont point the finger when you cant see the whole spectrum of everyones lives. Its like kids that do drugs, 10 year olds are doin it now..Is that their parents? My brother did drugs wehn he was 13 and guess what I can GUARANTEE you that there was no drugs in this household.
And plus you dont think kids are smart enough at 7 to see t.v...to see other kids eating habits..maybe her friends are like that....theres always more to see, and im not going to be one to say OH WHAT A WRETCHED MOTHER! No one wants their child to be like that, I dont care what anyone says.

You are treating parents like that like oh what dirt, but arent we all here obsessing about weight? Pretty much everyone on here is, so how can we judge them?

Uhm....I can't speak for everybody else, but I certainly don't obsess about weight. Wanting to get healthier and lose weight is hardly an obsession, and honestly I can't see the connection between that and how parents are treated.

Parents are responsible for their kids. If a 6 year old is obsessed about her weight, she must have seen it somewhere. If not the mother, then friends or maybe on TV. Still, if she had been brought up with a healthy attitude towards food, and with parents who make sure that the kid understands what's important and what's not, then there shouldn't be a problem.

If the parents aren't responsible for how their kids turn out, who is? You can't blame TV, because it's parents responsibility to monitor what kids are watching, and talk about it with them. As for drugs - only because there are no drugs in the household, it doesn't mean that the parents couldn't have done more to prevent it. If a kid takes drugs at 10 years of age, something has gone seriously wrong.

As for the kid being left in the car - are you being serious?? If that happens, it is either neglect, in which case the mother won't give a damn if the kid dies or not, or she is completely and utterly stupid, in which case she shouldn't have kids anyway. How can you leave a kid in a baking hot car and not think that it might get a little too warm in there?? In either case they should damn well live with it for the rest of their lives. Plus they should be in court for killing the kid, but that's a completely different story.

I'm just wondering...if we can't blame the parents when kids turn out wrong, who do we blame? TV? Society? Sorry, but to me that's all excuses. If people don't want the responsibility, they shouldn't have children in the first place, as simple as that.

I wouldn't trade growing up when I did for anything. I was a bigger kid, but I didn't feel all the pressure to be thin and perfect that my nieces (ages 15 and 13) feel today. The 15 year old is about my height (5 feet, 9 inches tall), and probably is a size two, TOPS. And she's constantly watching what she eats and obsessing because she's "fatter" than her size 0 friend. And the 13-year-old isn't as tall, but probably weighs as much as her older sister, and is just convinced she's the "fat" sister and boys will never like her because she looks like an elephant. They worship these little tiny girls on TV and in magazines...it's just not healthy.

The thing is that we can easily blame it on society...I'm not one to follow up on the latest fads, i don't watch much TV, and when i'm on the internet, i don't really go to any of those fashion foreward sites...but at school, everywhere i go, the thin girls get the guy, the thin girls get the job, the thin girls get whatever...our society sees thin as beautiful, and those girls with an older sister, try to copy them, and spread it on to their friends...its hard to not come by, and though i don't know if its because of an older sister or mom or whatever, the girl still thinks that she needs to be thinner

Uhm....I can't speak for everybody else, but I certainly don't obsess about weight. Wanting to get healthier and lose weight is hardly an obsession, and honestly I can't see the connection between that and how parents are treated.

Parents are responsible for their kids. If a 6 year old is obsessed about her weight, she must have seen it somewhere. If not the mother, then friends or maybe on TV. Still, if she had been brought up with a healthy attitude towards food, and with parents who make sure that the kid understands what's important and what's not, then there shouldn't be a problem.

If the parents aren't responsible for how their kids turn out, who is? You can't blame TV, because it's parents responsibility to monitor what kids are watching, and talk about it with them. As for drugs - only because there are no drugs in the household, it doesn't mean that the parents couldn't have done more to prevent it. If a kid takes drugs at 10 years of age, something has gone seriously wrong.

As for the kid being left in the car - are you being serious?? If that happens, it is either neglect, in which case the mother won't give a damn if the kid dies or not, or she is completely and utterly stupid, in which case she shouldn't have kids anyway. How can you leave a kid in a baking hot car and not think that it might get a little too warm in there?? In either case they should damn well live with it for the rest of their lives. Plus they should be in court for killing the kid, but that's a completely different story.

I'm just wondering...if we can't blame the parents when kids turn out wrong, who do we blame? TV? Society? Sorry, but to me that's all excuses. If people don't want the responsibility, they shouldn't have children in the first place, as simple as that.


Yep, every person that makes mistakes its totally their parents fault you're soooo right.
Wow.

I wouldn't trade growing up when I did for anything. I was a bigger kid, but I didn't feel all the pressure to be thin and perfect that my nieces (ages 15 and 13) feel today. The 15 year old is about my height (5 feet, 9 inches tall), and probably is a size two, TOPS. And she's constantly watching what she eats and obsessing because she's "fatter" than her size 0 friend. And the 13-year-old isn't as tall, but probably weighs as much as her older sister, and is just convinced she's the "fat" sister and boys will never like her because she looks like an elephant. They worship these little tiny girls on TV and in magazines...it's just not healthy.

Yup and thats her parents faults right? Because thats what everyone on here is saying. and btw I dont think the parents intentionally leave the kids in your car are you rediculous?

The thing is that we can easily blame it on society...I'm not one to follow up on the latest fads, i don't watch much TV, and when i'm on the internet, i don't really go to any of those fashion foreward sites...but at school, everywhere i go, the thin girls get the guy, the thin girls get the job, the thin girls get whatever...our society sees thin as beautiful, and those girls with an older sister, try to copy them, and spread it on to their friends...its hard to not come by, and though i don't know if its because of an older sister or mom or whatever, the girl still thinks that she needs to be thinner

see a child seeing a sister i can see, but not a mother. so some people are saying things on here that are contradictive... PARENTS ARENT 100 PERCENT IN CONTROL OF THEIR CHILDREN. THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY. WHAT FANTASY WORLD ARE YOU LIVING IN!?

Okay honestly, I wasnt trying to start a fight, but I was viewing both sides of the story... sorry for trying to see both sides.

So im ending conversation about this here.

It might not be the parents fault. But it's the parents responsability to sit their child down and teach them what is good/bad for them. To keep their childrens best interest at heart. And parents who don't do that or turn the other cheek, are the ones who are doing damage to their children. It's a parents job to be in their kids business to some degree till the child is old enough to make their own choices after seeing all options and outcomes, and generally thats not till high school.

So yeh, I DO agree that parents shouldn't be blamed. But at the same time, a parent who ignores it, is doing just as much damage as a parent that inadvertently teaches a child these things.

Yep, every person that makes mistakes its totally their parents fault you're soooo right.
Wow.

Never said that, but if a person is brought up properly and with the rind mindset, mistakes are less likely to happen. Simple. You make it sound as if parents have no responsibility whatsoever, regardless of what happens. Just blame the bad society. Yeah, right.

Yup and thats her parents faults right? Because thats what everyone on here is saying. and btw I dont think the parents intentionally leave the kids in your car are you rediculous?

Missed that. Please, just for my sanity, explain to me, how can you leave a child in a car UNINTENIONALLY? You lose your car keys unintenionally, you have an accident unintenionally, but you make the DECISION to leave a kid in a car. You do, or you don't. And if you do, you're either stupid, or you don't give a damn. Both not really valid excuses if you ask me.

It's like saying 'Oh yeah, I poured the gasoline out in the house, and I threw a lit match into it, but I certainly didn't start the fire intentionally!' Give me a break!!

Missed that. Please, just for my sanity, explain to me, how can you leave a child in a car UNINTENIONALLY? You lose your car keys unintenionally, you have an accident unintenionally, but you make the DECISION to leave a kid in a car. You do, or you don't. And if you do, you're either stupid, or you don't give a damn. Both not really valid excuses if you ask me.

It's like saying 'Oh yeah, I poured the gasoline out in the house, and I threw a lit match into it, but I certainly didn't start the fire intentionally!' Give me a break!!

First off, accidents, there are NO SUCH thing. Thats neglect right? ACCIDENTS CAUSE DEATH TOO. WHAT IF YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION AND WRECK INTO SOMEONE AND KILL THEM? SAME THING...RIGHT?

Do you see SOMEWHAT OF MY POINT?

This is whats wrong with some poeple, I wasnt trying to start a fight ..these are my opinions take it worth a grain of salt. Maybe becasue we're all busy doing 120984 things that when a sleeping child is in the back of your car, and you werent supposed to have them that day, you're rushing to get to work on time, need to pick up this before work, your husband always takes the kid, or babysitter always has the kid.. I dont know how you can pass judgement so easily. Sometimes you need to see both sides of a picture. Lifei snt black and white sorry to inform you there are many shades of gray. I understand these are your opinions but sorry I think for myself and have my own.
The thing is how did this jump to I think everyone who leaves the kid in the car is righteous? Yeah I bet 85% of the time it is neglect, but the 15% has to live with the fact that it happened to them for the rest of their lives. ..I hope you dont beleive in god beucase you're passing an awful lot of judgement.
I try to see both sides of a story. Why is there 3 degrees of murder? Why is there manslaughter? Beucase life isnt black and white. Do I think it was manslaughter yes, but that mother has to live with the fact of it for the rest of her life that she was rushing so much that she forgot about her child, and it resulted in her death.

Little kids are quick, and no one here can even lie and say that they havent lost sight EVER of their child. That would be a total lie. How many people here have their coffee tables padded? How about every electrical outlet safetied? Or how about have steps? 4 year olds are capable of climbing up steps, what if they fall down and break their neck? Are you going to sit there and say..WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD GATES UP. How many people with stairs and 4 year olds have gates up? Theres so many things we overlook as something that OH SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS..SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT. No parent is perfect. and plus, if you let your kid even walk to the bus stop alone, theres a set up for something potentially going wrong. So you better pad up your coffee tables, safety up the outlets, and make sure there is absoultely no small objects on the ground, especially if you happened to drop a penny or change out of your pocket, you should have noticed that. But guess what...no ones perfect. we make mistakes and shit happens. and parents that deal with their kid dying in a death like this have to live with it the rest of their life. You dont think that some of them do the same thing? I'm sure the guilt eats them alive, but the thing is some didnt sit there and go, you know what this childs in the car and I'm going to leave them in it for my whole work day, school day, etc.

Im sorry If I'm coming off rude, I honestly didnt mean to make a fight. I have opinions of my own, and everyone has opinions.

Its not my place to judge you in what you think, and I'm sorry for if I've acted immature, but I think that my opinion, though it may be different, should be respected in the same sense. I never once attacked anyone I just said I disagree SOMETIMES, and thats when it was okay to point the finger directly at me because I thought different. I honestly appologize if I've made you feel offended but you have to realize, I wasnt being rude, I said I dont agree totally, and it got blew out of proportion.

We all are different, have different views. We can argue this until we're blue in the face, or I can just say now I'm sorry that my views offend you, but I try as much as possible to put myself in other peoples shoes as hard as it may be. Just realize, I was not judging until it got put on me, and thats wrong, I cant be one to judge either, becuase thats really no ones place, and I usually try not to judge as much as possible. I'm sorry if I offended by saying I dont agree totally, which still means there are a lot of cases in point that yes, the issue of achild being obsessed with weight can do with their mother or relatives, BUT its not ALWAYS the case. I can see how it would be inovertantly a mothers fault..A LOT of people here count calories. A LOT. A child sees this and, guess what, kids want to be just like mommy. She doesnt understand all of what its about, but she knows its to get "healthier" but what does she see? Her mother getting "thinner". It doesnt mean you sat there and told your child, hey you should count calories too! They just see you do it and think i want to be grown up like mommy. Now yeah, thast inovertantly the mothers fault. AND I can GUARANTEE...there are cases where its from friends at school, or glimpsing at a magazine while mommies putting groceries on the belt, and she can read and see SKINNY CELEBRITIES! Skinny Brittany! Skinny Lohan, blah blah blah! So you all make it seem like well, they must be telling them this. Well no, A LOT of us here count calories and would NEVER want our kids to be like that...even if you EXPLAIN it to them, what do they understand out of all of it?...AND what they SEE mostly us getting THINNER. I'm not putting the blame all on society NO, why would I ever place it all in one place, which seems likea theme on this forum. I just dont see it as simple as a math equation like 2+2=1. I think its more like geometry and using postulates and theorems that are different, can come to the same conclusion.

I shouldnt judge you, as well as you shouldnt judge me. I want it to be known to everyone, not just you, if I offended you that yes, I'm honestly sorry, but I dont take my opinions back, as I'm sure you dont either.

First things first.

I'm not offended whatsoever. You have your view of things and I have mine, and we didn't agree. That happens, and you have no reason to apologise to me for that. You should never apologise to anybody for your views, oppinions and beliefs, but stand up for them, which you did, and that is perfectly okay.

So much for that. Now, for the other stuff....

a) I don't believe in god. I take responsibility for my own actions and don't need some 'almighty' entity to blame for everything that goes wrong in my life.

b) I am not passing judgement. I am just expecting parents to take responsibility for their children instead of blaming TV, peer pressure, society or whatever else they can find. You are right, parents aren't perfect, and they can't be around their children 24/7, but they should damn well try. And before you ask, yes, I have a kid, my stepson is nine years old with autism and behavioural problems. He isn't even my own flesh and blood, yet I take full responsibility for anything and everything that happens to and with him, and if anything happens I start thinking about what I could have done better myself instead of going ahead and blaming others.

c) Yes, you should have gates on with a 4 year old, or accompany them when going up/downstairs. Or simply teach them how to hold on to the rail properly, and to walk up/downstairs slowly, and not to rush. And in the three years that I have been over here, I have not lost sight of my stepson once. Not for a minute. I can't, because I know if I do, he'll do something to himself or destroy something. As for not being perfect, true, nobody is, and shit happens, as you said. But there is a difference between dropping a penny on the floor without noticing, and leaving your child alone in a locked car.

d) I had a blazing row with my husband this morning about this very thread. He looked over my shoulder when I typed, and being a college teacher, he went on and told me how completely wrong I was, that parents can teach their children all they want, but as soon as they leave the house and hang out with other kids, they will succumb to peer pressure and bullying. That no matter how well you bring your child up, if they hang out with the wrong crowd, things will go bad.
Hmmm....but where does the peer pressure and bullying come from? Other kids, right? So, if those kids had been brought up properly, they wouldn't feel the need to pressure and bully others...and bringing the kids up is (or should be) mainly up to the parents. And that's where the circle closes.

And that's pretty much it. And I mean no offense with any of what I write either. It's my oppinion that I feel just as strongly about as you do about yours. None of it is meant personal, just an exchange of opionions. And there is no rule saying that we have to agree. How boring would the world be if we all thought the same way?

d) I had a blazing row with my husband this morning about this very thread. He looked over my shoulder when I typed, and being a college teacher, he went on and told me how completely wrong I was, that parents can teach their children all they want, but as soon as they leave the house and hang out with other kids, they will succumb to peer pressure and bullying. That no matter how well you bring your child up, if they hang out with the wrong crowd, things will go bad.
Hmmm....but where does the peer pressure and bullying come from? Other kids, right? So, if those kids had been brought up properly, they wouldn't feel the need to pressure and bully others...and bringing the kids up is (or should be) mainly up to the parents. And that's where the circle closes.


I have to add that I grew up in "South Central L.A." One of the supposed to be worse places for a young African American but I had a family that cared about what I was doing and they taught me morals and responsibility.

By my senior year of high school I had 6 main friends. 2 friends smoked weed (I have never even smoked a ciggy), EVERYONE was into drinking (I rarely drink a wine cooler twice in less than 6months and didnt experiment until I was 21, in JAPAN :gnorsi:) EVERYONE was having sex, (I didnt until AFTER high school) and lastly...there was one friend that my aunt could not stand simply because she lived in what's called "the Jungles"...this girl was as innocent as I was (she had had sex but that was all) yet the girl she loved to death who lived in "Ladera" was as wild as they came!

So NO, I for one DONT buy into the peer pressure thing, its up to the child and the child makes their decisions based on how they were raised.

ALSO...I have a friend that had her 1st baby at 13 and her second at 14...everyone was worried about history repeating itself, but my friend was/is a very responsible mother and her eldest was in band, a cheerleader, AND an honor roll student, she is now entering her 1st year of college.

If parents can take such pride in raising a "good" child, why not take responsibility for a disobedient/disfunctional child?

And thats my two-cents and I'm running for the hills and will never read this thread again because it looks like its going to be a never-ending one with lots of CAPS lol.

To the original poster.. First of all if your're in an elementary school setting how does your friend know that this girl counts calories, exercises like crazy, and is anorexic. A school day is very busy.How and why is she discussing such topics with a student? Maybe this "friend " of yours tells "tall tales" lol In any case I can't agree that it is "Sad" unless I saw the situation for myself, because it is too silly.

To the original poster.. First of all if your're in an elementary school setting how does your friend know that this girl counts calories, exercises like crazy, and is anorexic. A school day is very busy.How and why is she discussing such topics with a student? Maybe this "friend " of yours tells "tall tales" lol In any case I can't agree that it is "Sad" unless I saw the situation for myself, because it is too silly.


How can you say it's too silly when a little girl can't live out her childhood happily?
And the friend is not a teacher, she's in a program to help kids out so her job is to talk about "such topics". Even if it was a teacher I would think it was a good thing that she be so observant and involved in her students lives. I don't have kids but I when I do I hope there are people like that that care about them when they are at school.

It might not be the parents fault. But it's the parents responsability to sit their child down and teach them what is good/bad for them. To keep their childrens best interest at heart. And parents who don't do that or turn the other cheek, are the ones who are doing damage to their children. It's a parents job to be in their kids business to some degree till the child is old enough to make their own choices after seeing all options and outcomes, and generally thats not till high school.

So yeh, I DO agree that parents shouldn't be blamed. But at the same time, a parent who ignores it, is doing just as much damage as a parent that inadvertently teaches a child these things.

See exactly...you cant always place blame in ONE SINGLE area. Yeah sometimes it is the parents, sometimes its not, sometimes its a combination. I agree with you totally. I grew up never smoked pot and did drugs, but my brother (note-grew up in the sameeee household and environment) did partake into these activities. I have a hard time beleiving my mom only told me about peer pressure, and whats right and wrong but failed to tell my brother...thats bologna. And if the parents are truely trying to help, taking to psychologist, talking it out, whatever it takes, then they are doing their part.

Actually, more or less every kind of "quirk" you have is probably your parents/caregivers fault. Its your own fault if you don't take any steps to correct them (if it requires correcting) when you are mature enough to understand there is a problem.

A seven year old shouldn't be dieting like that. Except in cases where the child is obese, they should not be restricting their calories. growing children need to feast.

To Mejane:.... I took the original poster to mean that she helps out children "Who need It" as meaning with their reading and math etc... I didn't take that they were "Student teaching Child psychologists" I do have children and I would be livid if some student teacher came in and labeled my child anorexic and trying to make it sound like she had big issues. I would still like to hear from the original poster just how she knows the child exercises constantly and counts calories.
When you DO have children I'm pretty sure you won't want a student teacher telling you .."Hey your kid is messed up" lol When you do have children you will learn that they can talk about and say some crazy things at that age. Maybe she had watched "The Biggest Loser" the night before... Maybe she saw one too many Jenny Craig commercial.. who knows, but I doubt it is any big deal.

To Mejane:.... I took the original poster to mean that she helps out children "Who need It" as meaning with their reading and math etc... I didn't take that they were "Student teaching Child psychologists" I do have children and I would be livid if some student teacher came in and labeled my child anorexic and trying to make it sound like she had big issues. I would still like to hear from the original poster just how she knows the child exercises constantly and counts calories.
When you DO have children I'm pretty sure you won't want a student teacher telling you .."Hey your kid is messed up" lol When you do have children you will learn that they can talk about and say some crazy things at that age. Maybe she had watched "The Biggest Loser" the night before... Maybe she saw one too many Jenny Craig commercial.. who knows, but I doubt it is any big deal.



Fair enough...but I took it to mean that they (original poster and friend) were in a position to know and I responded to that. I did assume she meant "talking" kind of help rather than tutorial. Maybe a poor assumption but that's how I read it.